Lots of freeware

Here's a page with about 450 freeware programs and their descriptions. Take a look, you may find a valuable time saver. A quick glance turns up some good stuff. A hex editor, mp3 tag editors, free phone, etc. Good stuff.

Incidentally, I'm amazed that anyone pays for a legacy phone anymore. A cell phone is a must, at least it is to me. But an old landphone? If you simply must a have an inferior non-transportable phone, why not use a free one through the internet? Just about any chat program allows you to send/receive voice for free, though I understand it's desirable to have a phone number people can call.

Skype, people. This is what Skype is for. I'm always shocked by how many people have never heard of this. I just use it for chat myself, but you can use it as a free phone if you want. Note that some places will try to upsell you on fancy headsets to fit your computer. You can buy a $5 adapter at Radio Shack that lets you use a normal cheapo headset for cell phones.

I still don't see why, if someone is paying a phone bill already, they don't use a cell phone for all their calling needs. Maybe there's an angle I'm not seeing, but I can't imagine phoning could be any more convenient than fitting in your pocket. Plus the ability to screen calls through the caller ID window is priceless. And when you don't want to be reached, just hit the off button ("Sorry Mom, my battery was dead"). It's illegal to telemarket to cell phones. It's better in every conceivable way. I'll spare you any more of that tangent, I'm just sayin' that if you're paying for a landphone, you're just a big ninny, is all.

In one of my C++ classes in college, someone asked the prof if we could look for snippets of code already written for us on the internet. He not only said it was ok, he encouraged us to do that all the time. If you can find something someone else has already done for you, you will be a faster and better coder, is essentially what he said.

I take the same approach to finding stuff on the internet. The world is full of nerds who sit around creating stuff we can all use, for their own enjoyment. They like to make it, and I like to take it (haha! that rhymed! I sure am clever and witty. now if only I could get my hand out of this vending machine...).

I'm similarly amazed that anyone pays for porn anymore. I mean, don't they know about the internet? It took me two seconds to find this site, literally full of nothing but free porn (NWS obviously). There is more free porn on the internet than any one person could ever look at.

I sure wish this had been around when I was a kid (highspeed internet didn't hit West Virginia until I was at college). Wow. All that time spent looking at the Victoria's Secret catalog, and in moments of humiliating desperation, the Sears catalog, could have been so much better spent. On the other hand, I probably didn't need to see horse porn at that age (or any age, for that matter).

And while I'm at it, remember how much fun Napster was? Now it's called BitTorrent (the companies are separate). You search for whole albums and software. I would not trust porn from there, it's probably loaded with trojans or viruses. I don't abuse this like I abused the crap out of Napster back in college, but it comes in handy sometimes.

My conscience doesn't allow me to download willynilly like I used to (I'm as shocked about this as you are), but I think it's ok to download an album if you already own it otherwise. I won't steal software, especially not games. I like games and want them to make more. But if my disc is damaged, even if it's my own stupid fault, I have no qualms about downloading a copy.

You see, this is because of my totally superior morality. Just another way I'm way gooder than all of you. It's not your fault, some people are just naturally better people. (wait, you mean all I had to do was let go of the candybar and I could get my hand out? Oh. Thanks for sending the firetruck anyway)

Renewable bloggable resources

I don't have anything original to say today, so here's an oldie but goodie. We all used to be 5 years old. Have a great weekend everyone! (if you missed this fun musical diversion from last week, here you go)

Kindergarten [JB and I didn't meet RCR until 2nd grade]: RCR was in the other half day, so I still haven't met him yet. Me and JB had afternoons, yes! Neener, neener!

No recounting of kindergarten is going to be complete without the busdriver game. You knew it was coming, JB. I forget exactly how we came up with the names 'Flannigan' and 'Mike Lake', but I believe it was from JB's experience riding either the big kid bus or the redneck bus. For some reason I didn't ride these busses.

Anyway, we rode bigwheels around his driveway in circles (his driveway forms a circle), pretending we were the busdriver, yelling at the "kids" behind us.

Roll, roll, roll... FLANNIGAN! roll, roll, roll... MIKE LAKE! We also distributed punishments to them which included tossing them out of the moving bus and running them over. And then, when the moment was juuuust right, we would halt the "bus" and say in our best West Virginy redneck voices, "Gotta stop and take a spee-it!" and hawk a little boy lugey right there on the pavement.

Patooey!

Yeah, we were pretty much a class act from day one.

There was a guy in our class, [removed], I believe his name was, who was from the boonies even by our standards. The boonies are never far away in West Virginia no matter where you are, but wherever it was he came from, his heavy boots were always caked in mud.

Just about every morning when we were sitting in this semi-circle of wide eyed innocence, once he had an audience he would -- keep in mind I am not making this up -- he would run his finger along the sole of his boot, collecting a big slab of mud, and eat it right there in front of everybody!

His entertainment value didn't stop at grinning through a mouthful of mud on Kiddie Fear Factor, though. As a class we made a "cookbook" for all of our mothers for mothers day. We were supposed to come up with a recipe. It was all very cute and endearing and my Mom still has hers. [His] entry was "Cookies and Ice Cream -- Go to the store and buy cookies and ice cream."

Ok, so I'm digging. Really I just wanted a segue into my entry to the cookbook. It was for chocolate chip cookies, because my Mom was famous for hers (and my sister has since improved the recipe, but don't anyone dare tell my Mom about that). I forget all what was in it, though I made an honest attempt to reproduce what I'd seen go in them. The final line in the recipe was "Eat them all, they're nice and tasty!"

I don't see it, but everyone seems to get a kick out of that. I mean, it's what you do with cookies. You eat them! And since they're so tasty you may as well eat them all. I mean, what's to miss here?

So anyway.

I was a cold lunch kid and JB was a hot lunch kid. That means we were segregated at lunchtime into "Kids whose mothers love them" and "Kids whose mothers hate them" tables (aka, cold and hot lunch tables). That meant I had no annoying line to deal with and could get in, eat, and go out to recess faster.

This made JB jealous because in winter time that meant I got back to the classroom before he did and could acquire the coveted blocks to play with. He wanted the blocks and I don't blame him, they were the shit. You could set stuff up, knock it down, set it up again... there were a veritable smorgasboard of avenues to explore.

When he got back he'd ask to "share" them with me but I wasn't falling for that one. You had to get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on the 5 year old Seattle Scribe. I knew that was his secret plan to monopolize the blockpile (dirtpiles and blockpiles factored heavily into my early childhood). This of course inevitably led to fighting. I think he still secretly harbors a little ill will about that. Ha ha! I got the good blocks on more days than you did! Plllbbbttt!!!

Ok, one last memory before I go and do something else. Our teacher asked us who we thought the best person in the world was. There were alot of My Dad's and whatnot, but me, being the budding little egalitarian I was, said "Everyone". I don't recall anyone else's reaction, but I was as smug and self satisfied as a kindergartener could be.

JB didn't hesitate and triumphantly thrust his little 6 year old chest out and loudly proclaimed, "I am!" I'm pretty sure it involved a hand motion. Taking offense, I stood right up, stomped my foot, and said "That's not fair!" and then proceeded to argue the point with the teacher.

JB still makes fun of me for that.

14 Things That It Took Me 50 Years To Learn by Dave Barry

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

3. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

via

UPDATE: In case anyone's been Dave Barry deprived, he has a blog ya know. Mamacita, this one's for you!

How far can you drive on a bushel of corn?

I haven't read through this Popular Mechanics article on corn based ethanol yet, but it looks good. I would trust their science over pretty much any mainstream media reporting on it, anyway.

What I've heard about corn based ethanol is that it takes more than a gallon of oil to produce a gallon of it (to run the tractors, etc). I wonder if that's true. In contrast, places like Brazil can mass produce sugarcane, which is alot easier to convert into ethanol. This is what NPR told me.

When I drove from Chicago to Seattle, I stopped off at Mount Rushmore. The town nearby sold ethanol at the gas station, and it was 10 cents cheaper than the cheap gas. It's not good for your car to switch back and forth, but if I had the option, I would buy ethanol for 10 cents cheaper all the time. Who wouldn't? That was in South Dakota by the way.

I'm sure it's artificially priced that low, but still. I think it's an acceptable expenditure in the interests of national defense, don't you? One B-2 bomber costs $2 billion, fer chrissakes, and we have at least 21 of those.

UPDATE: After finally reading the article, yes it's good. Bio-diesels or hybrids look like good alternatives for the near term, hydrogen in the long term (~2020).

The Seattle Scribe finds stuff, talks about it

I found a TV and a bookshelf in the garage, next to the dumpsters. You may commence rejoicing.

I've been talking alot of shit about getting myself one of them fancy-schmancy high def TV's, but it's a funny thing about not making any money, you're not quite so motivated to spend thousands on a TV (with apologies to Les Claypool).

The TV is a piece, but the price is right. And I finally have my sweet blessed bluish glow and high pitched sound to fall asleep to again.

I missed you, TV in the bedroom. Let's never fight again.

More boner pills please

Horn of rhinoceros. Penis of tiger. Root of sea holly. Husk of the emerald-green blister beetle known as the Spanish fly. So colourful and exotic is the list of substances that have been claimed to heighten sexual appetite that it is hard not to feel a twinge of disappointment on first beholding the latest entry - a small, white plastic nasal inhaler containing an odourless, colourless synthetic chemical called PT-141. Plain as it is, however, there is one thing that distinguishes PT-141 from the 4,000 years' worth of recorded medicinal aphrodisiacs that precede it: this one actually works.

This could be good news. Sex is fun.

Why isn't she in jail?

I want to know why this lady isn't in prison right now. She got caught leaking CIA secrets to the media.

Last week, spokeswoman [] said the officer admitted to "unauthorized discussions with the media in which the officer knowingly and willfully shared classified intelligence including operational information."

...

A senior government official said the dismissal was related to a story in The Washington Post about the United States holding terror suspects in secret prisons overseas.

...

All CIA personnel are required to sign agreements prohibiting them from discussing classified information with anyone who doesn't have clearance.

You can say what you will about the secret CIA prisons, but it's not only not her place to leak info like this, it's expressly forbidden. Simply put, she belongs in prison. She wasn't even arrested. I wonder, do they take this seriously or what?

If it had been any schlub slogging away at a base somewhere who leaked anything low level, you can bet your ass they would be killing time in a cell. Why this lady gets a pass is beyond me.

No wonder America is the laughing stock of spy networks worldwide.

......Or is that just a clever ruse, and really ours is the best? I would hope so, but this example makes me wonder.

UPDATE: She denies being the source of the prisons leak. Either way she still admits to leaking classified information and therefore belongs behind bars.

First weekend of summer

It's finally summer. This weekend proves it. I know it's not officially summer, but 70's and sunny is summer by my standards.

Before I get into the story I want to apologise to JB for canceling the trip at the last second. I didn't feel like driving to Portland on Saturday morning so I douchebagged out. I could put forth various arguments in my defense -- not wanting to sit in a car with 3 screaming kids for as many hours, JB has a cat, etc -- but in the end it was just me pulling shit I don't much tolerate in other people. My bad.

I'm especially annoyed because I didn't drink on Friday so I would have no problems getting up. I mean, if I was going to miss the trip anyway, I may as well have gotten drunk instead. But nope.

Ok, so I lied. I drank a little. I went over to The Bar early on Friday night, grabbed a copy of The Stranger, and enjoyed the hummus dinner with a pitcher of beer. One pitcher of beer doesn't count. The Tigers were beating the Mariners on the TV and the place was dead. I was ready to call it a night.

I paid up and was on my way out when I encountered a friend on the way in. I've got friends here, but I'm not overburdened with them, so I like to take time to foster better friendships.

It didn't hurt that they were both girls.

They're both pretty cool, though at times I had to inwardly laugh when their various insanities manifested. I guess we all have peculiarities, but women wear their hearts on their sleeves. It's amusing. I'm not sure it's possible for most women to conceal their emotions.

After briefly considering a career in psychiatry, I just enjoyed their company. I like one of them alot more than the other, and I don't mean in a sexual way, though she is the prettier one. I'm not going to bore you with the details, but let's just say I had to reject one of them and I drank alot of water (still planning on getting up and going to Portland).

I ended up closing the bar, faithfully sticking to water. Except for one beer that another girl I know was ditching. In honor of Earth Day, I stepped up to the plate and drank the beer. Hey, we all make sacrifices.

I muttered the PC equivalent of "I'd rather masturbate" to the one girl, and went home. But I couldn't sleep. I read a book and got to sleep sometime around 4am.

The next morning I woke up at 8-9am, the sun was beaming in, and the view of Lake Union was spectacular. I shuffled out to the balcony, basked in the early morning sun, and spread my arms while taking a huge satisfying breath. The distant mountains were crystal clear. Yachts and skulls seemed to not notice each other as they moved about the water. I felt great and wanted nothing more than to get outside and do something. My buddy Bob called and I mentioned that I didn't care what I did today, as long as it was outside. "Ooh! You can help me work in the yard."

Bob has a huge yard with lots of potential, so I said sure. Plus I hadn't seen his new son yet (or met his wife). I don't mind yardwork, especially when a crew of undocumented workers have already done the hard part. We weeded and raked and spread mulch. I'm a little disturbed by how much I liked it. He paid me in lunch and a soldering iron.

And that's how I skipped the Portland trip. I had a good weekend, but I shouldn't douche out on my bro and friends. I wish I had known JB was going to be busy for the next few weeks. Having an open schedule makes one think everyone does.

I hope all of you got a chance to get outside this weekend and enjoy the outstanding weather. It gives one the urge to sell all of their possessions and travel the countryside, it does.

Procrastinate, it's Friday!

Here's a fun little program that lets you layer in some drums, bass, and keyboards.

Happy weekend everyone!

Spamoliths

This pic reminds me of inadvertently huffing paint fumes with RCR in my basement in grade school.

I suppose I'm obligated to explain after that introduction. We teamed up on a project about Stonehenge. We learned alot actually. The part I remember the best is that spray paint eats styrofoam.

You really had to be there to get it, but that looks remarkably like our creation. Except we recreated the entire Stonehenge. And ours wasn't edible (at least it wasn't intended to be).

And sort of related, I mentioned the other day that someone ran a test to see if mold would grow faster on butter or margarine (which may just be a rumor). Well, here's a similar experiment on a McDonalds burger versus some local joint's. The results are what you would expect.

And of course, Jews for bacon couldn't go without a mention.

Bosnian Pyramid

A hill looked a little too symmetrical so some people started poking around and found out it was a buried pyramid.

Sploid has a good article about it.

As is common throughout the world, Balkan towns tend to be built atop older settlements. The Visoko of today was built over a medieval village, and the old fortress on the hilltop was constructed above an ancient Roman fortress, which was itself built over an even older Illyrian settlement.

The Balkans have been home to many different cultures and nationalities. After Neolithic tribes, the mysterious Illyrians ruled the land. (Modern-day Albanians are descendents of Illyria.) Greeks, Thracians, Macedonians, Magyars, Romanies, Romans, Scythians, Celts, and Visigoths are some of the other better-known inhabitants. Slavic tribes moved there in the 6th Century B.C.E., from somewhere around present-day Poland.

The current mix was completed when the Islamic Ottoman Empire took over the Balkans in the 14th Century, bringing Islam and Turkish blood to the region.

Situated at the fulcrum of east meets west, the Balkans have always been a hotly contested region of real estate. A certain older Polish guy I know told me his theory for how to get them to stop fighting over it. Nuke it off the face of the earth. I think he's mistaken, however. They'd still fight over it, nuclear wasteland or not. I don't want to get bogged down in talk of warfare though.

It turns out there are other pyramids in Europe. Greece has 16 that predate the famous Egyptian pyramids. And there are other suspicious hills in that same Bosnian town, connected by tunnels. Cool, huh?

Is any drink truly undrinkable?

If there are undrinkable alcoholic beverages, these are them.

If you like puzzles

This is sort of interesting. Upload a picture and it makes a puzzle for you.

One red paperclip

This is an interesting story about a guy who started with a red paperclip and traded it up to a year's free rent. His ultimate goal is a house, so he's still bartering. The link takes you to the first entry and you can go from there.

Fitness is simple, you morons

Ok, I'm getting annoyed with these stupid extra loud volume commercials for Fitness Made Simple (I'm not linking it, if you really want to find it, you can). Their pitch is that the reason we're all so fat and out of shape is because fitness is so complicated. If only someone would dumb it down for the layperson.

Hey there! How are ya?

Losing fat is very simple. The same equation applies to every diet/exercise plan. Calories burned must be greater than calories stored as fat. To lose weight you are going to have to feel hungry for the first few days while your body adjusts to it. I don't care how much exercise you do, if you don't diet, you're not losing the fat.

Why yes, I did just read the South Beach diet book. How did you know? It's only 100 pages of explaining the diet, so you could get through it at your next trip to the library. It's well worth reading in my opinion. The other two thirds are recipes though, which you may want to keep.

This annoys me so much because it's obviously not the complexity of the equation that keeps people from exercising. Everyone and their incarcerated uncle knows it takes diet and exercise. It's being a bunch of lazy fatasses that keeps us from exercising. Get off the couch, tubby! in other words.

But god forbid we take any responsibility for our own health. Oh no, it's not that I'm a lazy piece of shit, or that I'm just a naturally fat person, it's all that gobbledygook fitness-speak they use to explain how to run a mile!

Run a mile? [scoff!] What the hell does that mean? In English, please (rolling eyes).

So yeah. Stop eating fast food. Put some veggies in your diet, for chrissakes. I know this is just an insane suggestion so you may as well shoot me right now, but maybe, just maybe, you could entertain the thought of eating vegetarian meals from time to time. And get outside and do some exercising, lard butt. I'm saying this as someone who needs to lose fat, so don't take it personally anyone. I got one of those scales that calculates your bodyfat percentage. Wow. Don't ever get one of those. Your self-esteem may never recover.

Intersting tidbits from the book: plain whitebread from the grocery store is one of the worst foods you can eat. It's basically just starch, which is kind of like slapping two candybars around your turkey sandwich. Even alot of the wheat varieties aren't much better for you. It has to be "whole grain". Only whole grain, rye, pumpernickle, and sour dough are ok breads to eat (this is what the book says). If the bread says it's "enriched" that just means they processed the hell out of it and had to add vitamins back in. Potato chips and tortilla chips are out, salsa is in. Pita bread is in. Pita and hummus is just fine, though if you're going to do the diet you have to cut all carbs out for the first two weeks.

And margarine is more or less toxic. In fact, so is anything with "partially hydrogenated" anything in it (trans fats). I heard [rumor alert] somewhere that someone left butter and margarine out in the open in their garage to see what would spoil faster. After awhile the butter was covered in mold, and the margarine was discolored, but otherwise untouched. If microscopic organisms won't eat it, what does that tell you about the nutritional value of this particular eating substance?

Hi there! How are ya? That was a rhetorical question.

Hilarious party pic

You'd still do her, stop lying to yourself (worksafe).

Lazy blogging is fun.

Funny dog video

This isn't as good as the dog carrying the lit roman candle video, which may be the funniest dog video of all time, but it's still pretty funny. I love dogs and since I don't have one, I have to watch videos like this to get my fix. It just makes it worse, of course, but so what.

I wish I had a friend with a dog.

The banner ad I saw at the first link is not worksafe (the ad itself contained nudity), the second one is fine.

No, this isn't going to turn into a blog that just links videos.

UPDATE: I don't want to go overboard on the videos here, but I just found another really cool dog video. This dog was born with no front legs and learned to walk on two feet. That's pretty damn cool. Some of the ads are borderline worksafe.

Haha, everybody point and laugh at the drunk

No, not me you bastards, this guy!

It's a worksafe video. The classical music overlay is hilarious. Will he make it home?

Urban combat skateboard

I'm not joking.

And if you think the quality of the skateboard is lacking, I can only say that you go to war with the skateboard you have, not the skateboard you wish you had.

My actual thoughts on marriage

I put this into someone's comments who I don't know (found them through RCR) and thought I would put them up here. Since I already wrote it out, I may as well counteract my previous immature rant on marriage, which was mostly just for fun. I suppose it makes sense that as we approach the big 3-0 we're all thinking about marriage a little bit.


Here's what I said (spelling corrected):
-----------------------

I think marriage makes sense if you want to have kids. Otherwise, I would say no. Because as you said, everyone grows and changes. Married couples without kids stay together on occassion, but it's rare. But sharing children is *usually* the extra oomph that keeps couples together for the long haul.

I'd say if your relationship is "good" or "normal" (relative terms, I know) and then you get married, and then you have kids, as long as each person is making an honest effort to make it work, you have a greater than 50% chance of not getting divorced.

It makes sense that sharing a deep love for the same little people who need you would bring people together and cement bonds permanently. When the inevitable changes happen, that love for the kids by both parents will remain, and it's enough to carry most marriages through (I think, I hope). Without that, I'm afraid, people always change and won't necessarily stop loving each other, but will stop wanting to be married.

Oh, and I think anyone who gets married before 30 is just being reckless, given age expectations these days. You have no IDEA who that person is going to be in ten years, and only a reasonable idea of yourself. I think the right age for men is something around 32-36ish. Women I can't speak for, but I'm guessing it's around 28-32 or so (women always want older guys and seem to mature faster -- those doodyheads).

And if I could say something here to the women for a sec. Ladies, think twice before you marry the guy who you sort of get along with, but is making lots of money. I know, it's a cliche. But two women who are extremely close to my heart married for social status and money, and it ended in firey divorce both times. I could be wrong, but I think women get married for the wrong reasons more often than men do.

Run the waiter test. How do they treat waiters and other people who are underlings? You can learn alot about a person that way.

And while I'm at it, please don't cut your hair short. Is that a test to see if your man will still love you or something? Just sayin', it's like us shaving out a bald spot and asking how you like it. You're probably still hot, but you could be at least one full point hotter on the classic 10 point scale with longer hair.

Morbid Curiosity

What if a sociopathic cannibal had a blog? Wonder no more.

I debated about whether to post this or not, and decided to go with it because it's interesting.

I feel terrible for the girl's family.

America's longest commute

This is insanity.

With his family still sleeping, Givens heads out the door at around 4:30 a.m. from a horse ranch at the edge of the astonishing Yosemite National Park. On a good day, he can make the 186-mile trip to Cisco's sprawling offices in less than three hours.

It takes about nine cups of coffee, XM satellite radio and audio books to make the drive tolerable.

Givens then usually arrives home at around 8 or 8:30 p.m. This drive home through thicker traffic can take up to five hours some days.

9 cups? How many pits stops does he take?

As a winner of the award, Givens receives $10,000 in gas money and maintenance services from Midas. He beat out a 175-mile one-way Chicago man and a 164-mile North Carolina lass. Contestants had to provide the most direct route from their main residence to the office.

Guess I ought to quit bitchin' about my former 27 mile commute.

Happy Monday! Be glad you're not this guy!

Athleticism

This is why John Daly is the funniest golfer ever.

Sorry, I couldn't resist

Natural light 'to reinvent bulbs'

A light source that could put the traditional light bulb in the shade has been invented by US scientists.

The organic light-emitting diode (OLED) emits a brilliant white light when attached to an electricity supply.

In response to this announcement, Bud Light reportedly said "whatever" and Coors was heard to remark, "Well lah dee freaking dah!"

So Comedy Central pussed out

Other than disappointment, I don't really have any other strong emotion about this. But I'll talk about it anyway.

I'm not surprised they censored it. Some people blame it on Viacom being "un-American" or whatever (um... ok). What it really comes down to is everyone is so scared of the immoral radical Muslims that they do whatever they say. And how did this subgroup of Muslims get this power? By being violent and then threatening violence. By lobbing off heads.

So the message to take home is: if you want your way, start a head choppin'. Works every time. Alternatively, you could ritually murder a film director as he rode his bike to work, leaving a note tacked in the dead body with a dagger, as in the case of Theo Van Gogh. As long as you kill someone spectacularly you ought to get your way.

Here's an article about the episode if you want:

The comedy -- in an episode aired during Holy Week for Christians -- instead featured an image of Jesus Christ defecating on President Bush and the American flag.

But the image of Muhammed ringing the doorbell and handing Peter Griffin a hat was too much.

We just had a series of massive protests by the Latino community that was entirely peaceful. What if those millions of people don't get their way and start thinking they have to flip cars and burn cities to get what they want? What message is being sent here?

The next time some group feels strongly about something, they're going to consider rioting in the street, not peaceful protesting, the most effective way of achieving their aims. Why wouldn't they? It obviously works like a charm. I'm thinking eco-terrorists right now, but it could be any group really, like neo-Nazis or anti-abortion radicals.

Note that you can still see Muhammed in the opening credits, a cut from the Super Best Friends episode.

The Eye of Thundera is displeased

The British FBI stole the Thundercats logo.

SOCA, ho!!!

Nope. Not the right ring to it at all.

(Some) women are crazy

These two, for example.

I'm not saying men aren't just as crazy in other ways, but you've got to admit, that's some bizarre behavior.

Cherry goes without saying

Don't forget South Park tonight, where we see part 2 of The Family Guy showing Muhammed episode. Some are theorizing that they're just going to show the old Super Best Friends episode rather than show a new episode. We'll see.

Just for fun, who is your favorite character? Mine is Butters, definitely.

By the way, the ribs were fantastic. Sacrilicious, you could say.

Which reminds me, have you ever gotten a random craving for strawberry Jello? No? How about orange?

Right. No, me neither.

UPDATE: Wow. That was very disappointing. I shall say no more for right now.

Finally, a decent protest sign

Generally I avoid the politics on here, but this protest sign is pretty funny.

Smily face on Mars

I wonder if an alien civilization made this too? If we see any "ROFLMAO!!!!!!" then at least we would know there's no advanced civilization on Mars.

Cool Travelog

I linked to this before, but I'm linking it again. Cool non-political travel diary of a guy going (back) to Iraq.

The Seattle Scribe gets drunk with Germans and riffs on love

That's not really true. There was only one German. But we definitely got drunk.

On a lark, I went to the Sunset Tavern. My buddy Bob (that's the tall rasta looking guy) gave me a ride over. I didn't know how I was going to get home, but that was a full several hours away, so I didn't care.

I ran into Bob and one of his cohorts at The Bar, where I was getting pre-sauced. The cute bartendress knows how I likes me drinks (doubles, I'm not a complicated person people), so I like her despite her being a vegan. I should be nicer. She actually managed to convincingly laugh when I said "abso-fucking-lutely". What a sweetheart.

I was clipping a pretty good buzz in the car when Bob's wife called to check up on him, like he's some little boy. He handles these events with amazing calm. Everyone's mileage will vary of course, but from what I can tell, you should never get married. I guess if you're hellbent on having kids it makes sense, but otherwise I would avoid it. I only know one genuinely happily married couple, and a lot of people who fake it.

You think it's going to be guaranteed ass for the rest of your life, and I think guys enter into the agreement with this in mind, but it so completely isn't. The woman has to fear losing you to keep screwing you, apparently. Marriage is for suckers. If you're contemplating marriage, just assume that in a few years your wife will either stop having sex with you, or she will be so unappealing (I don't mean physically) that you don't want her. Do you still want to be intricately legally bound to this person? Don't get me wrong, love is beautiful and is the highest form of emotional bliss. It's also fleeting. Don't be stupid. Marriage is for having kids.

If my readership has somehow extended outside of a few of my close guy friends and there are some ladies reading this, some of you may think sex isn't a key component to a marriage/relationship. It would surprise me, but maybe someone has this opinion. If you're honestly thinking that, you get a gold star. You obviously are a total fucking moron. I'm shocked you made it this far in life without drowning in your own spit.

Have you not figured men out yet? Christ, we're not complicated at all. Food, sex, beer, sports, videogames -- in some combination. We all need sex, but apparently men need it a whole fuckload more than you do. I know this is true because even when I'm getting laid, I still masturbate. You know that part in There's Something About Mary when Ben Stiller "cleans the pipes" before going out on the date? Let's just say there's a bit of truth to that. Don't be grossed out. From what I hear, there comes a time when some men can't get erections at all. If you women weren't so damn attractive it wouldn't be a problem anyway. So if you don't like it, ugly up.

So anyway, if you're not screwing your man, he's looking over your shoulder for the next woman. Period. (some men use this as justification for cheating, those men are assholes) We're not that particular, so even though it's not ideal, all you have to do is give it up if you want to do the bare minimum to keep him faithful. It's not much fun to more or less screw the couch, but at least it's sex. Sadly, most men will take quantity over quality here. I'm just sayin', don't be surprised if he's looking to trade you in if you've stopped having sex with him (I am not saying cheating is justified). And while I'm at it, men, if she isn't blowing you, she doesn't love you. No exceptions.

Anyway, my deep rooted psychological problems aside, I'm pretty sure a couple of my friends called me last night. I'm also pretty sure I either talked to them, or didn't. If you talked to me or left a message, and it was important, you prolly ought to call me back.

The Sunset was a cool bar. I showed up an hour or so before the music started. The bartenders were really cool and didn't mind chatting up the newcomer. I endeared myself to them by turning in an errant 50 I found on the ground. The owner bought me a beer, which I thought was nice. The random Asian dude I was talking to at the bar turned out to be the bass player/singer of the headlining band, which I thought was cool. Super nice guy, unassuming. The music was very grunge and they brought a righteous wail that I appreciated the fuck out of. I had a great time all around. Never let it be said that hitting up a random bar by yourself isn't fun!

I was hoping to make some new friends, and I guess I did, but neither of them are friends I can keep for long. One is a crabber and the other is German. That means one is heading out on a boat for 10 months next week, and the other is going back to Germany. Oh well. Nice guys and good conversation. And plenty of beer. Holy christ. I love Germans and their beer schwilling ways! For some reason I've always gotten along with the Germans I've met. All except this hot German girl from my highschool, who I'm pretty sure thought I was a douchebag. Maybe it would have gone better if I hadn't made it pathetically obvious that I wanted desperately to hump her Aryan bones. Oh well.


This morning I woke up feeling mostly fine. That's awesome of course, considering how much beer I drank. What's strange is I didn't roll over and pass back out. I just got up, which is a new development for me. My whole life I've been cursed? blessed? with the ability to easily sleep right through the day, evacuations of Saigon, etc. I slept right through my alarm, which I guess is something. But as soon as I staggered awake sideways on my bed and noticed the quasi-sun beaming in, I was up. It may have something to do with all the working out I've been doing lately, but I'm pretty sure I just mentioned that to brag about how much working out I've been doing lately (I'm like, totally buff an shit -- not really).

But there's one thing that's not in dispute: I wish I had some icecream.

I wasn't sure what I was going to eat today, but I just found a slab of ribs in the freezer. Fuck yeah! I make the best fucking ribs. All you Jews and Muslims and vegetarians can suck it, because I'm gonna eat some fucking pork and it's gonna be fucking awesome!

Don't do blow

I found this hilarious little blurb in a local weekly called The Stranger, while I was killing brain cells at The Bar. Just bear with her self-dick-sucking, it's worth it. It's not reproduced on their website, so I'm typing this all in. Emphasis is in the original.

Don't Do Blow
by Sandra Oh

HELLO, THIS IS SANDRA OH. Perhaps you recognize me from ABC's Grey's Anatomy, on which I play the attractively wry surgical intern Cristina Yang, a role that recently earned me a Golden Globe. Or perhaps you know me from my film work, such as Sideways, in which I played a sexy sommelier with a violent streak, or Under the Tuscan Sun, in which I played Diane Lane's friend with a lesbian streak. However, today I am speaking to you solely as Sandra Oh, concerned citizen, and I have one thing to say: Don't do blow.

After so many years in L.A., I thought I'd seen it all when it came to coke. Then I started filming Grey's Anatomy in Seattle and goddamn -- you freaks can totally put it away! As a member of a minority or two -- I'm Korean Canadian, thank you very much -- I'm sensitive to sweeping assumptions about large groups of individuals. But what the fuck is wrong with you people? I look around Seattle and it's like California in the 70's, only everybody is pale and nobody dresses like Stevie Nicks.

Forget how coke turns everyone into an asshole -- the medical detriment alone should be enough to put you off the blow for good. Or maybe you all cherish the threat of decimated nasal passages, dead sensory nerves, perforated colons, and bowel gangrene. Whatever. I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV, and you should listen to what I'm telling you. Don't do blow.

Love,
Sandra Oh

I like this little blurb because it's funny and also because I learned a new word: sommelier. Learning new words is my favorite thing not involving midget strippers.

And for the record, I have yet to see any blow here in Seattle. Granted, I'm not looking for it either. And anyone who knows anything about coke knows that it's everywhere, if you but care to scratch the surface. Don't do (hard) drugs (on weekdays) kids.

Coke is bad, m'kay.

Except Diet Coke, of which I imbibe about a 2 liter of per day. God help the world if they ever run out of Diet Coke. I think I'd go on a bloody rampage.

UPDATE: Turns out this is online afterall. I hope The Stranger doesn't mind that I wrote out something of theirs and posted it on the internet.

401-keg plan

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling refund, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.



And with that, I bid you all a happy weekend. I plan on finding some local music joint and going there by myself. I have to get out and make friends somehow, and all my current friends are busy. Any suggestions are appreciated.

(yes, I stole the joke from somewhere)

The Seattle Scribe reads and then talks about it

I know this is clichéd, but I've been reading The Da Vinci Code. At least I'm several years behind the trend. Not surprisingly, it's a very good book.

You probably know the basic story even if you haven't read it. The Holy Grail isn't a cup, it's really the hidden blood lineage of Jesus whose decendents live to this day. Some group found the proof and blackmailed the Catholic church to keep it secret. Da Vinci was the leader of this group for a time and embedded several clues and secrets in his art (most of his famous art was commissioned by the Catholic church, The Last Supper for example). I don't want to give too much of the main story away so I'll stop there. But there's so much more in this book.

Dan Brown throws in etymological backrounds of words, one of my pet hobbies. For example, during the rise of Christianity villagers tended to be pagans, hence the word "villain". The church recasted several pagan symbols as evil as well. A witch's pointy hat was the dress of some pagan sect. Poseidon's trident was ubiquitous. Who do we imagine always holding a trident now? What if I called it a pitchfork?

And the most famous of all evil symbols, the pentagram, was a universal symbol of femininity. It was the symbol of Venus ("Lucifer" in Latin) and was agreed upon by more or less the entire pagan world. I didn't know this, but apparently if you plot Venus's movements over 8 years it traces a five pointed star. The four year cycle of the original Greek Olympics was timed to coincide with these movements. Apparently the original symbol for the Olympics was the pentagram, but was changed for modern times to be the five rings we know today.

The church hit two birds with one stone by recasting the "pentacle" (as it's referred to in the book). They eliminated a powerful pagan symbol while at the same time put women down. I don't know how true it is, but one of the arguments of the book is that pagans respected women as basically equal and celebrated sex, while Christians locked women out of positions of power and turned sex into a shameful act. So for it to count as two birds with one stone, you have to think the church wanted to denigrate women, which doesn't seem too far fetched considering women can't be (Catholic) clergy.

Some king of France sent out sealed orders to his armed forces that were to be opened on a specific date. The orders were to round up and slaughter the Knights Templar. The date? Friday the 13th. In October.

This is all gravy to me. I love this stuff. More! And I'm only halfway into the book. So far I'd say it's well worth your time. I got the handsome illustrated edition, which is helpful since you actually get to see the works of art he's talking about without looking them up. Incidentally, now my life won't be complete until I see the Louvre.

Beer for ladies

A hilarious testimonial (borderline worksafe video).

Muhammed on South Park

I assume most of you saw the new South Park tonight. I really hope they actually show the Muhammed cartoon next week. But knowing how Matt and Trey yank their fans around, they may not even have a sequel episode at all.

For those who didn't see it, the premise was that The Family Guy was going to show Muhammed and everyone freaked out. But it was censored at the last second by Fox. So they had a sequel episode and the writers demanded that Fox leave it uncensored. Before they actually showed the uncensored cartoon, the South Park episode ended with comments like "Will television executives stand up for the freedom of speech? Or will Comedy Central puss out?"

Should be interesting. And I didn't ruin the episode by what I said. There's still plenty of funny. The parody of The Family Guy was pretty funny, but those who don't watch it probably won't get the point.

By the way, this won't be breaking any new ground. They've already depicted Muhammed in an episode where all the big religious icons were the super friends. Jesus was having trouble destroying David Blaine so he called up the Super Best Friends.

Aside: does anyone actually like Carlos Mencia?

Aside 2: The cut to credits in the last Sopranos episode was the best ever. Couldn't have been better. I was apprehensive at the start of the season, but now I like where it's going. I can't wait to see what happens next. Can you say a bad moon rising? Yeesh.

Commenters, if you're going to discuss The Sopranos, please give fair warning if you're going to reveal any spoilers/details, because I'm pretty sure there are people reading this who aren't caught up and would like to remain in the dark.

UPDATE: Here's a better analysis of the episode than I gave.

The bathroom habits survey

NOTE: Don't read this unless you want to read a blunt discussion of bathroom stuff. You have been warned.

This survey is mildly amusing. A few thoughts:

I didn't think standing up to wipe was an option. Do people really do that? I guess so.

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who uses wetnaps. I'm not worried about "being gay", I'm just glad to know that other people aren't walking around with shit crumbles falling out of their asses all day. Unfortunately, 74% of the people who took this survey are perfectly fine with the idea of shit particles (shiticles? craparticles? pooticles?) smearing their underwear and tumbling around in there all day long. Not many things are as gross as the incomplete wipe. Just think, these people must be receiving oral sex too! Gross. I don't want to be even near that. Gag. This is why I don't go "downtown" unless I have a good sense that the girl has good cleanliness habits.

Incidentally, other than cleanliness issues, this is the main reason why I dislike crapping in public toilets. I don't care about "making noise" or anything. Hell, if there's someone else making noise, I look at it as a competition. I can fart louder than that, asshole! (haha, get it?) I just prefer to be clean when I'm done, not walking around with a half-wiped ass. When I was a kid I would try to take a shower after each dump, but of course that's just not practical. When I worked predictable hours I purposely had my body trained to get up, go number 2, and then take a shower.

I'll bet alot of people lie on the washing hands question. It completely baffles me why some people refuse to wash shit off their own hands. Yay, ebola! There are some cases when the sink is so nasty that just peeing and leaving is best, so I'll except that. But otherwise it's really gross to not at least rinse off for pee, and a poop demands an actual attempt at washing.

And no, I don't piss all over my hands when I pee, but touching the flusher or anything in the bathroom is worth washing your hands for. I'm so disgusted by the thought of what bacteria are lingering around bathrooms, I wash my hands no matter what I did in there, and then I use the paper towel to open the door.

I HATE bathrooms with no paper towel. I hate them with all the poo in my body. HATE HATE HATE. Not only does no hand dryer actually work, but first you have to hit the button which has only been touched by other people who just used the bathroom, and most likely half-assed the handwash (because everyone does). And then you have to touch the door on the way out without any paper barrier, negating any handwashing you just did. You can get around this with elbows and kicking, but it's an annoyance.

I am certain that my penis is cleaner than any bathroom door handle, so that just means the next time I pee or go for one of my oh-so-discreet "adjustments" (that surely no one notices, right? right?), I just contaminated my crotch. Great.

Back to the survey, there's one question that asks: To wipe, do you reach your hand between your legs, or do you reach your hand around your backside? And one of the options is "Not Sure". WTF? How can you possibly be unsure if you reach behind your back or through your legs? Schrodinger's cat, people.

Apparently some people think it's ok to go to the bathroom with the door open. Now I know how comfortable it can get in a relationship. I've had gf's come in while I'm doing my business to get something, though I never liked it. And I've been in there when she just dropped trou and did number 1, and it didn't gross me out. But I have never thought it was ok to just leave the door open, especially during number 2.

I'm not a fan of pee, but it doesn't gross me out like poo does. I don't want her to see me pooping, nor do I want to see her in that situation. Some things are better left unseen. I want to maintain my illusion that when she poops, she turns her head, giggles cutely, and a little pink colored turd comes out that smells like roses. Nothing un-hots a girl like imagining -- or worse yet seeing -- her taking a dump.




And I guess now's as good a time as any to mention how some people in Asia poop. FINALLY, the story can be told! They use a hole in the ground. I'm not talking about a hole dug out of the ground, though I'm sure that method gets plenty of use all over the world. I mean nice clean bathrooms indoors with a hole in the ground and little footpads next to it and hand rails. All for your squatting pleasure. This particular cultural gem comes from Singapore. I'm pretty sure it's seen in Malaysia too.

This is why the words "western toilet" are so sought after in that part of the world.

I've heard that in Germany there's a "shelf" in the toilet so you can "inspect" what you've left behind (Germans are just strange enough for this to be true). And in parts of Mexico and eastern Europe (like Greece), the sewer systems are so old that they can't handle toilet paper, so you wipe and put it in a trashcan sitting there. Boy, that sure conjures up some wonderful thought-smells. And there have to be flies.

I'll bet you won't complain about plunging the toilet the next time, huh?

Please leave any entertaining bathroom stories in the comments. I started this post just to link the survey, and then got carried away. So we may as well turn it into a poo-a-rama.

Alcohol cloud is 463 billion kilometres long

No, I'm not describing a cloud with one terminus at my window, but good guess. They finally found alcohol in space, dude!

Well it's about damn time, I say. Stupid scientists, wasting all that time looking for water/life/etc. Sheesh.

Of course the implications go much farther. We now, for the first time in history, have strong evidence that there may be a god after all.

Passwords

Interesting numbers on password cracking.

UPDATE: link fixed, sorry.

And the time is...

On Wednesday, April 5th 2006, (TONIGHT!) at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00AM, the time and date will be:

01:02:03 04/05/06

I expect you all to stay up to celebrate.


And on Tuesday, June 6th 2006, your clock may display something like this:

06:06:06 06/06/06

Of course next year on July 7th we’ll have:

07:07:07 07/07/07

And don’t forget both AM and PM.

Good advice blog

I like it because even though none of it applies to me, it's usually good advice. But I love it because she liberally uses the words "honkies" and "sluts" and dispenses gems in this fashion:

Dickheads are everywhere, and there's something about the college setting that awakens the raging asshole within. All I can say is, girls, keep your wits about you, stick together, and remember that if a room full of guys and girls have a great time and get drunk and naked together, the next day the guys are all studs and the girls are whoring sea donkeys.

Haha! So true, so true. But please don't let that deter you ladies.

The really great thing about getting a little older, though, is that you really, truly don't give a shit what men think of you. Then the freedom to be a raging slut is yours! Hurray!

The world needs more women like this.

John Kerry's suite demands

I guess someone felt that singling out Dick Cheney for suite demand ridicule wasn't fair and balanced. So here we have John Kerry's. Kerry is a lot more demanding.

The strange case of the man who took 40,000 ecstasy pills in nine years

This article isn't about who I assumed it was going to be about.