14 Things That It Took Me 50 Years To Learn by Dave Barry
1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
3. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife.
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
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UPDATE: In case anyone's been Dave Barry deprived, he has a blog ya know. Mamacita, this one's for you!
posted by RWBB @ 4/27/2006 10:46:00 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Glad you liked it. My Mom just saw him do standup. She actually described it as him telling a bunch of hysterical stories, but that's sort of the same thing. She said it was well worth the $35.
You know he has a blog right?
I was watching bones the other day, and they mentioned parkersburg, WV in it as a plot point.
I assume Bones must be some "visual radio" show.
A writer on the show must be from there. There's no other explanation.
I am quite curious to know what they said about it, of course, so please divulge.
Sort of on subject, if you watch the Simpsons episode from Season 7, Two Bad Neighbors, the one when older George Bush moves in across the street, there's a reference to West Virginia.
You think nobody cares, but 2 readers aside from me care, so I'm telling the story anyway.
Right at the end, when he's moving out and Gerald Ford is moving in, they focus in on the moving van and you can see the unmistakable logo of West Virginia University. You can see the logo here.
If you want to see the episode you can either rent/buy the DVDs or stop by my place and I'd be happy to play some Simpsons for you.
For the record, the commentary doesn't mention it, so it apparently slipped passed Matt Groenig's attention.
indeed, visual radio. It's a CSI knockoff. the show is based in DC, and they were identifying where some guys remains could be from based on the particulates in his bones. A high (blah-de-blah) factor was from a Teflon plant in Parkersburg.
Oh god, it was probably a high toxic carcinogen level. Parkersburg is definitely the most disgustingly polluted place I have ever seen, except maybe the abandoned industrial areas of Detroit.
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