Thursday, August 30, 2007

It's time!

Football finally starts tonight! Or this afternoon, for us west coasters (I love the timing of live TV out here).

The first round or two of games are kind of a joke, but so what? I finally have an excuse to get up on a Saturday and wash pizza and wings down with beer at 9am (that live timing can bite you in the ass sometimes).

Usually I wait until at least 9:30-10. But not in football season! Nuh uh.

I could bitch about how the Michigan game is only on Big Ten TV (the conference's new Direct TV accessible only channel), but who really wants to watch us beat the snot out of Appalachian State? I would laugh, sure, but really, who cares? Schedule up next time boys, and maybe you won't get stuck on a channel no one's watching, playing a division 2 team. Surely there's at least one crap MAC team who would play us?

On the plus side for App. St., this game will probably make their entire yearly budget.


Bumbershoot is this weekend. JB and I are going Saturday. If anything cool happens, I'll post it here. My cousin's comedy show is performing there. They're doing really well, just ending their North American tour, back where they started. Obviously I'm seeing that. There's a Belgian bar in Fremont I want to take him to too. I haven't been there yet, but it looks good.

Have a great Labor Day weekend everyone!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Warning: Middle Eastern looking guys ride the ferry too

It's possibly irresponsible that this has gone national, but I'm sympathetic to the ferry worker who snapped these pics. If they say these guys were scoping the ferry for vulnerabilities, possibly the very same one I and my family ride all the time, I'll take their word for it.

(Yeah, so I'm prejudiced. So are you. My -- and your -- life is more important than those guys' feelings. I would feel differently if this caused a wave of crimes against Muslims, but it isn't)

I just wonder what this is going to accomplish. Hey everyone, those guys on the ferry look like Arabs! Do we all feel better now?

So far no one has identified them, and predictably it's a bit of a scandal. Some papers refuse to run the pics. Eh. If the FBI is that worried about it, I'll take notice, but just a little.

Of course, all this is really going to do is mean the next attack will probably come from a white convert who passes for Joe Blow American.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Dispelling stereotypes left and right

If you're feeling bad about yourself, just be glad you're not Miss Teen South Carolina (ws vid). It's actually painful to watch.

I know someone who's angling for trophy wife!


And since I'm in the mood for cruelty, this might be the funniest OINY yet. I shouldn't laugh, but I am.


Don't forget the lunar eclipse tonight.


About the girl: she blew me off as soon as she got what she wanted. I can handle that, but it makes me wonder why she insisted that it was "something" and went on and on about how no guy respects her. Well, you did basically rape me...

So she's a horny girl who needed a fix. I was 19 once; no complaints about that. Since she's so worried about me not respecting her, it must mean something, I stupidly thought (put some ultra poon in front of us guys and we're liable to believe any damn fool thing).

The morning after, she was distant. I'm not clueless when it comes to reading women (or people in general, for that matter). I made eggs and we ate them. This is over, I assumed. But then she said the greatest thing a guy who's not sure about a girl can ever hear, "We're fuckbuddies". Woo hoo!

But she demanded that I call her, when I said, I'll text you or something (the eloquence alone seduces most women (not really)). Mixed messages, but whatever. She's cool and we'd always had fun just talking before... so I called her. But she didn't answer. She hasn't responded to the other call or a couple texts since.

Okaaaaaay..... I should have expected as much out of such a youngster, but I can't help wondering wtf? What was the point of the game? It's not like I would reject no strings attached sex from a 19 year old. Christ, do I look like I have morals?


Oh well. So I got used by a teenage girl. On the plus side, I got used by a teenage girl! U-S A! U-S-A!


For the benefit of my (one) foreign reader, invoking the USA chant is ironic. It alludes to the kneejerk reaction of a simple minded person, which is how I am characterizing myself. It's self deprecating. In other words, I'm a big huge horn-dog who got what he deserved. Sorry if that's pedantic.




UPDATE: This is too good to pass up. In the comments, JB has transcribed Miss Teen South Carolina's response. I'll let the quotation tell the story:

Q. Recent polls have shown 1/5 of Americans can’t locate the US on a world map. Why do you think this is?

A. I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, The Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh er, should help South Africa, and should help The Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.


Thanks JB! I feel dumberer already.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

I finally saw a hooker on Aurora

It's about fucking time (haha). It's good to see the street live up to its reputation.


Bonus teenage girl dating tip: "You have a memory like an elephant" translates into "your ass is fat".

By the way, worth it. Totally worth it.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Heaven

My favorite drummer of all time rides with the author of the inspiration to my favorite song* of all time through West Virginia back roads. For a huge Rush dork like me, you don't get any better than this.


*That goddamned alloy air car, always fucking shit up**.

**nevermind


UPDATE: Link to youtube of the song added. To be honest, I can't really pick a favorite song, but this is the one I've played the most. As is the matter of course for Rush, you have to read the lyrics to fully appreciate it (in context, since no one but me read Neil's inspiration article, some of the people who drive the doublewide air cars hunt the normal cars for sport -- link, pdf).

God, that video is so dated. Heh!


I'm not alleviating my huge dork status by admitting this, but if I had to pick the single greatest gift I've ever received, it was when my brother gave me Chronicles for my 13th birthday. Nothing has been so life changing and positive, not staying up late watching hockey with my Dad or camping with old friends, though those are close (sorry JB). I'll be a diehard fan 'til the day I fucking die.



Sunday, August 12, 2007

Cheney understood Iraq

Watch this video of Dick Cheney explaining exactly why invading Iraq is (was) a bad idea... in 1994. He correctly predicts the current situation. What happened in the meantime? So they knew and did it anyway? WTF?

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Drunk Monkeys

This video about the drinking habits of monkeys is pretty interesting. They have the same rates of teetotalers, moderate drinkers, and heavy drinkers as humans.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

I hate commercials

But I love this one. It has a catchy little ditty, but that's not the reason I like it. It was first put out sometime around Labor Day last year. That's when I went to my ten year highschool reunion back in West by god.

Alot happened that weekend. Most of it was psychological. I went into that weekend kind of down about my life. I was directionless, my rudder askew. I knew I didn't want to be an engineer, but not much more than that.

I came away from it changed. I was emboldened, with a new confidence and sense of urgency (nothing like going to Appalachia to infuse oneself with confidence, I highly recommend it).

I don't credit the commercial with anything other than being around when I had some sort of epiphany. I credit my good friends, and casual friends, who all made that weekend so much fun.

Nothing fancy, just kickin' back at JB's pool, smokin' and drinkin' for a few days. Me and RCR getting the cops called to the swankiest hotel in town is a classic. One night we hit up the Japanese place and went to the other bar. God, what a crappy town, but it was so much fun.

Anyway, that commercial is back in rotation and it made me think of a year ago. If I knew then that by now I'd be back in school and seriously considering going to med school, I'd never believe it. The good news is I haven't lost whatever that feeling was.


I'd also never believe how many nice available smart women there are in college. They outnumber the men, and there aren't very many "men" there anyway, if you know what I mean. This was by far the best thing to ever happen to me.


Well, that and plastic liquor bottles.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Correction

I thought I knew surreal until I saw Donald Duck as a nazi (ws vid). Holy crap!

"The End" was the weirdest part.


UPDATE: After Walt Disney's sympathy for Nazis was mentioned in the comments, I went looking for evidence. The Straight Dope says, yeah, he had some sympathies, but was mainly obsessed with whatever would further his movie studio.

Want more? That cartoon won an Oscar for best short cartoon (1943). Wow.

Since we're on the subject, I might as well mention Warner Brothers' racism.

Surreal

You know what's surreal? The mind of a 19 year old, that's what. I can't believe I'm talking to this girl.

For the record, she calls me, and she asked me out. We haven't gone out yet. We've studied together and had dinner, that's it. I'm afraid what really going out would be like. If it's anything like our phone conversations, it'll go a little like this:


Her: My favorite show of all time is The X Files.

Me: [stunned silence]



Her: If I ever see anyone fucking an animal, I'll kill them right then and there.

Me: Um, yeah... ok (I'm sympathetic, but stunned silence, basically).



Her: The curtains are creepy. I'm so creeped out right now.

Me: Boo!

Her: Stop that! Stop it, you're scaring me! (turns on lights)

Me: [oh you've got to be kidding]



Her: I have sociopathic tendencies. I imagine killing people and how to get away with it.

Me: [stunned silence]



Her: My ex-bf sometimes stands on my porch looking at me through the window while I sleep.

Me: Maybe you should get a gun. No, wait!...



Her: Say "Fuck you, bitch!"

Little girl being babysat over cell: Fug you, bish!

Me: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! (I'm never going to not laugh at that)



Her: Don't ever bring me flowers or chocolates. Bud Lite tall boys*.

Me: All righty then! (I knew she had a soft side)



Why am I talking to this girl again? Oh right, she's 19 and wants to screw me. Eh... the price we pay for the ultra poon. It can't be worth it.

Or can it??

A question for the ages.

* I'm smarter than to buy alcohol for an underage girl, but she can think that I will all she wants

Friday, August 03, 2007

Lies, damned lies, and statistics

Here are a few random observations/numbers for your edification.



The bridge in Minneapolis was rated as deficient in 1990. That sounds terribly negligent until you read that there are 70,000+ more just like it in the US. Either the standards are too high, or the entire county's infrastructure is badly in need of repair. Regardless, Minneapolis is not an aberration (the Alaskan Way viaduct comes to mind).

Construction on the new Minnesota Twins ballpark has been halted. Two thirds of the cost was publicly funded. I guess they didn't have anything better to spend taxpayer dollars on. Can you say "damning"?

To replace/repair all of those 70,000+ bridges would cost $188 billion. At the time of this posting, the cost of the Iraq war was $450 billion, 4 and a half years in. [sigh]



The other day I watched a crow eat a plastic bag. He just... ate it. Pulled it apart piece by piece and ate every last scrap. Sure, it had some tantalizing artificial nacho cheese product on it, but still. Put that shit on a bigmac or somethin' at least. Gross.



Emigration to Canada has hit an all time high of 10,942 in 2006. Like box office records that get broken every year, a raw number isn't as meaningful as a number adjusted for percentage of population (or for inflation, in the movie analogy). The population increases every year, so naturally the raw number will increase, all other factors remaining roughly equal. How does that compare to the population overall?

With an estimated population of 301,139,947, that means 0.0036% of our population left in 2006 to Canada. In 2005 that same number is 0.0033%. I don't find an increase of 0.0003% (about 900 people) to be particularly significant, which is the central thrust of the article (that this is some huge increase).

In contrast, Canadian immigration to the US in 2006 was 23,913, down from 29,930 in 2005. That corresponds to 0.0725% of our friendly northern beer swillers moving here for 2006, and 0.0917% for 2005 (please bring a hockey team to Seattle while you're at it, ok buddies?). That's a decrease of 0.0192%. While I recognize the upswing in American emigration and downswing in Canadian immigration, a more relevant point is being ignored.

Go read the first article, this one, and tell me if "The United States is more than 20 times more popular with Canadians than Canada is with Americans" is the gist you get ([.0725/.0036], which is the more generous set of data, the number is 28 for the 2005 set). Take from that what you will.


Oh yeah, and Canada is like, lame and stuff. Just so that clever joke is out of the way.



I have a new favorite place. This store. It's full of snooty European beer. Most of it's Belgian, which averages around 7-10% alcohol. I just pick random stuff. So far I haven't been disappointed. I asked the guy working there if I could bring my sleeping bag and sleep in the back room. It's a damn good thing that place is on the way home, and next to Taco Time to boot! It's good to branch out and learn your city.



I was on the bus the other day. It was full enough that people were standing. I got the last seat next to some retarded guy in a wheel chair. He was nice, but I couldn't understand a thing he was saying. Some lady got on and stood right there in front of me. Every time the bus accelerated at all, a curve, a stop, a start, she fell over and grasped dramatically at one rail or another.

I've seen this behavior before. This is the passive aggressive "gimmie a seat, you brute" game. I thought it was funny. I wanted to see if she would do the stumble dance all the way across town or finally give up and like, ya know, hold the stupid rail that was right in front of her. But wheel chair guy told me to give up my seat loud enough for everyone to hear (oh, now he says something intelligible). [sigh]


I love it when women understand men. Warms me heart, it does. Gives me hope that I'll find a normal woman someday.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

What a man wants

Garbage like this is why women should never take advice on men from other women. Is this why they act so stupid all the time, because they listen to tripe like this?

The best way to seduce a man the first time is to let him know you're interested -- but not easy -- with the word maybe.

Maybe you should get together, maybe you'll have a drink with him, maybe you'd like to see his place. There's enough yes in maybe to keep a man from feeling rejected and enough no to keep him challenged.

Any worthwhile man saw straight through what you think is a clever little game and moved onto someone normal. What horrible advice. Ladies, when it comes to men, think simple. S-I-M-P-L-E. We lead simple lives and appreciate a simple straightforward exchange. If you like us, great. If not, fine, go away.

We're not as easily fooled as you think we are. We see your games for what they are and start avoiding you as soon as we detect one (unless you're hot, then roughly 75% of us will ignore the games and go for you anyway, 99% if there's alcohol involved).

Look, take Dave Chappelle's advice on men (nsfw). He'll tell ya straight up how it works.


(on closer inspection, that column was written by a man, but he did a piss poor job of representing us -- just spitting female misconceptions back to them isn't helping anyone)