Surreal

You know what's surreal? The mind of a 19 year old, that's what. I can't believe I'm talking to this girl.

For the record, she calls me, and she asked me out. We haven't gone out yet. We've studied together and had dinner, that's it. I'm afraid what really going out would be like. If it's anything like our phone conversations, it'll go a little like this:

Her: My favorite show of all time is The X Files.

Me: [stunned silence]



Her: If I ever see anyone fucking an animal, I'll kill them right then and there.

Me: Um, yeah... ok (I'm sympathetic, but stunned silence, basically).



Her: The curtains are creepy. I'm so creeped out right now.

Me: Boo!

Her: Stop that! Stop it, you're scaring me! (turns on lights)

Me: [oh you've got to be kidding]



Her: I have sociopathic tendencies. I imagine killing people and how to get away with it.

Me: [stunned silence]



Her: My ex-bf sometimes stands on my porch looking at me through the window while I sleep.

Me: Maybe you should get a gun. No, wait!...



Her: Say "Fuck you, bitch!"

Little girl being babysat over cell: Fug you, bish!

Me: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! (I'm never going to not laugh at that)



Her: Don't ever bring me flowers or chocolates. Bud Lite tall boys*.

Me: All righty then! (I knew she had a soft side)

Why am I talking to this girl again? Oh right, she's 19 and wants to screw me. Eh... the price we pay for the ultra poon. It can't be worth it.

Or can it??

A question for the ages.

* I'm smarter than to buy alcohol for an underage girl, but she can think that I will all she wants