Hedonism!

As I think you all know by now, I've been taking classes at one of the local universities here in Seattle. One of my classes is basically an accelerated highschool AP inorganic chemistry class (read: easy) and the other is organic chemistry. Organic is a real bitch, but at least it's interesting.


The best part about inorganic, aside from all the 19 year old girls wearing little clothing, is my lab partner, who is a sweet innocent sheltered 21 year old girl. She actually stuck up for her boyfriend, saying he doesn't masturbate but his friends do ("like... THREE times a day!" she said in horror -- I whacked off twice this morning, I was thinking to myself).

Hopelessly naïve. But cute, very cute. And I'm very protective of her. We get lunch everyday somewhere new and people probably think we're a couple, given how we act. I'll admit it crossed my mind to corrupt her, but I'd never be able to look myself in the mirror if I did. She accidentally got two tampons out of the machine and put in an extra quarter because she couldn't put the one back in.

See what I mean? I didn't think there were people like her left in the world. I can't corrupt someone that sweet and innocent. I told her she had two brothers now, because she's an awesome chick who just needs a little exposure to how things really are to be ready to take on the world. I'll do my best to steer her right.



Organic is alot more challenging and interesting. I'm actually worried about my grade in this class, though somehow I became the goto guy among the few people I know. They think I'm something akin to the resident expert, which is effin ridiculous because I don't have a goddamn clue what the hell is going on. At least not any more than anyone else.

I suppose it's because by being older and having real world experience, I know I can do this subject if I just read. Most of being an engineer is noticing trends and figuring stuff out on the fly, and half the point of engineering school is to teach you how to teach yourself a complex subject. I think they can sense that I'm not worried about learning orgo, which makes it seem like I should know the answers (I don't).

So in a sense, I sort of alpha maled out everyone else, which is totally effin ridiculous to all those who know me personally. I can be described in alot of ways, but "alpha male" is definitely not one of them. I'm the same guy who let 2 bit punks put the fear of god into me as a kid. I quit football because it hurt too much (and I wanted to smoke more pot). (and drink) I am not your run of the mill leader.

Wolf among sheep. That's what going back to college is like. They're lucky I'm (mostly) benevolent. The guys are panty waists and the girls are sincere. It's an odd place to be, but the idealism is very refreshing.


There's a big sign that says NO WAR in one of the windows. I want to hang a sign across the way that says "We accept your surrender".


I was talking to the prof before class one day with a couple girls and I got a huge whiff of BO. Oh no, I thought, I just took a shower too. Once safely away I did the "stick your finger in your pit then smell it" test and I came up clean. WTF? Then I remembered one of the girls is European (she has the sexiest accent you've ever heard). She's still hot but damn girl, take a bath already.

And no, of course I wouldn't let that stop me. A smelly hot girl would be a vast improvement over my standard fare. Her being too young is what would stop me. And not to get into it, but I don't really dig the foreign girl thing. Been there, done that. And once you get over the exotic sex, it's just a chick you don't have much in common with whose parents hate you.



I walked into the orgo lecture hall early one day because I might as well read the chapter there. There were two girls sitting up high and to the side. They were there early like me, but they chose to sit up in the back. My kinda people!

We got to talking, and within 3 minutes one of the girls offered to cheat for me and ran down to give me her email. I told her I didn't need her old labs, but she insisted on giving me her contact info. It took me a minute to realize what was happening.

Somehow she knew I was pre-med and I assume that's what drew her interest initially. I mentally made a fist and pulled it down cha-ching style. YES! WHORES!!! It took a long time, but my life may finally be complete. Hey, if she can gold dig, I can hijack the ultra young poon, right?

I wasn't intending to hit on her or anything. She's roughly ten years my younger. I may be a dirty bastard, but I'm not THAT dirty of a bastard. You can looky but you no touchy, dig? But she came over to me. I'm not made of steel people. Some girls don't need corrupting. Hot young girls pursuing me will find they meet with great success.


So the next lecture came around and I wasn't sure what to do with this girl, or if I was even reading the signals correctly. I decided to just pretend nothing happened, but sit away from her so as not to send any signals of my own. I figured it was just a fluke and her ignoring me would be my proof. I walked down the aisle and didn't see her anywhere, so I just grabbed a seat up near the front where I always sit.

"Hey there!" I hear, and look over to see her sitting in my locale, far away from her usual spot. I was shocked, not just at being startled, but at the audacity. Does she not think I'll see right through this? Was that the point? Either way, I was golden.

Until I froze up and took undue interest in my notes from the last lecture until class started (not exactly alpha male behavior). It took time to process the information.

Well hot damn, she really is after me. Between scribbling notes about free radicals, I swallowed my butterflies and decided to ask her out. You only get served up opportunities like this on occasion, so you better take them. When else am I going to get a guilt free shot at barely legal poon?

After class I apologized to her for not talking before class and told her to email me so we could study (if you don't recall, this is how you ask people out in college -- so easy). She said "okey dokey" (not really). I bolted because I had a lab to get to, which I probably should have told her. Then she actually emailed me! And in only a few hours too. I figured I'd just made an ass out of myself for the umpteenth time, but no.

Let's recap that for just a sec. I ignored her before class even though she moved herself and her friend to my part of the lecture hall. That's pretty rude. Then I told her to email me and walked off without lingering to chat, not offering an explanation. By all estimations I should have lost the encounter.

Is this more alpha male status? If so, I should have been doing this shit a long time ago. It baffles the mind that people defer to me (and if true, it saddens me for the state of manhood in our society). You too can be an alpha if you like. All you have to do is not give a shit. There, you're done.



Friday I had class until late and eventually got home and made a margarita. After this week it was time to drink some effin' tequila. After a couple, I headed over to the bar because I had nothing else to do.

I ran into alot of people, but there was one in particular. She's a little on the older side, but that's refreshing after all those naïve college girls. We've um, had history. We wrote a few more chapters, yadda yadda. You get the idea. I talked her into sex the first time with the following sweet talk:

I think about it when I wake up. I think about it when I go to bed. I think about it in the middle of the day. And in between thinking about it, I think about it some more.

She's lucky I'm a smooth talker who knows so much about the male sex drive. It's not fair really. It's like I'm a hypnotist or something. Or maybe it has something to do with her being a big huge lush and me having a bunch of booze. Either way, all my tequila's gone and there's a smile pasted on my face.



All in all it's been a bully week for The Seattle Scribe. I have brotherly love for my wide eyed adorable lab partner, I stand a decent chance at scoring some ultra young poon, and I spent all day Saturday drinking with and banging a woman who would be my gf if she were a decade younger. Not to mention the weather has been absolutely fantastic for over a month (75-85 and no clouds or humidity). Life has been worse. The Seattle Scribe likey.



So I guess this whole thing is a really long roundabout way to say that I didn't get any work done this weekend because I spent it all drinking and screwing. Woohoo! Take that, responsibilities! In your face! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Something 'bout the wrinkle in your forehead
tells me there’s a fit 'bout to get thrown
If we get the van out of the ditch before morning
ain’t nobody got to know 'bout what I done
And I never hear a single word you say
when you tell me not to have my fun

It’s the same old shit that I ain’t gonna take off anyone
And I don’t need to be forgiven
by them people in the neighborhood
When we first hooked up, you looked me in the eye
and you said “Pa, we just ain’t no good”

We were Heathens in their eyes at the time, I guess I am just a Heathen still
and I never have repented for the wrongs that they say I have done
I done what I feel

-Heathens, The Drive by Truckers