Saddam executed

I make it a policy to stay away from politics and the war, but this can't go unmentioned.


Whoever you are, you fall somewhere between "He deserved it" and "Bush is the real dictator". Bet I can tell who you voted for by your answer. But that's beside the point.

If you think it's ok to execute anyone, you're happy with this one. Maybe not in how it was implemented -- the war and the particulars of the trial and all -- but if ever there was someone deservin' of a hangin', it was this buttfucker.

That doesn't mean the world is a better place. It may have been better to let him rot in jail. I don't know and you don't either. There's no way to tell how this will play out long term, but one thing's for sure: it will look really really bad in the short term.


Personally? I'm not wild about the death penalty. It definitely needs eliminated, except for the most provable of cases. But Saddam? Yeah. He can get hanged for all I care. It may be bad for America and our interests, but my conscience isn't bothered in the least.

It would be helpful if this sentiment were more widespread. It's hard to argue with this:

"The joy would have been complete if we were to see the healthy Iraq, the united Iraq, the safe Iraq," he added. "Then everybody would be jumping up and down, celebrating."

That would be the central problem, wouldn't it.

Drunk terms

Just in time for New Years. These terms aren't actually used anywhere, but out of the list, here are a few favorites with some comments:

Deja booty - When a drunk inexplicably has sex with a person that he/she swore he/she would never speak to ever again, again. -- Oh, haven't we all been there before.

Deserter - A full beer, possibly hidden, found when cleaning up the next day after a party -- I've also heard this referred to as a "bitch beer". The female proclivity for abandoning beers is well known. If you can't force down a partial beer you don't want, you have no business drinking at all. Beer has a low alcohol percentage, so you should be well within your margin of error if you add one more beer and then cut off. Or just go pour it out if you don't want it. I couldn't care less. Just don't put me through the pain of knowing a beer was wasted.

Drink shrink - Those who, after a few drinks, discover they have the ability to psychoanalyze and offer solid personal advice to their friends and/or strangers -- I must admit, I am guilty of this one.

Driving by brail - Using the sound and feel of the road turtles to keep your car on the highway -- I do not recommend drinking and driving in any way shape or form. Call a damn cab, you effin' moron. I'll even pay your fare, for your sake and others. But I like this one because in Seattle every road has bumpy reflectors along the sides and down the yellow lines, hence you really can "drive by brail" here. That may seem unremarkable to you, but I grew up in West Virginy, where we were all too busy boinkin' our cousins and a fiddlin' to rename "reflectors" as "turtles" and then distribute them about town. Hyuk! Hyuk!

Felony juice - Tequila -- See also: whisky.

Frontloading - Getting drunk before going to a nightclub because the club’s drinks are expensive -- I thought this was just common sense.

I'm going to cut it off here before I lose any more self respect. Y'all take 'er easy now.

Size of Earth

This video reminds me of astronomy class (ws). It shows the scale of Earth to the other planets and Sol to other stars. Here's a pic version.

Merry Christmas honkies*!

To all my honkies, I bid you a wonderful yuletide holiday. Merry Christmas!


And to answer a question, Thanksgiving with presents is a close approximation of what Xmas means to my family, but it doesn't capture the full essence. As a kid, it was just like any other Christmas, minus going to church. We even had a creche, which I liked to set up.

These days I'd say it's more of a yearly family reunion, since we try to all get together harder than we do for Thanksgiving, and no one but the grandkids get presents anymore. I mean, I got a pair of slippers and a couple books, but it's obviously nothing like it used to be. I have everything I really want anyway.

But that's not to say we go deist either. My Mom and I are avoiding "mass on the beach" because we think it's lame. I imagine I'll have to be looking death squaw in the face before I turn to religion, if I ever do it. Thank god (haha) all you have to do is ask for forgiveness. Wow, what a loophole.

I find Christmas a good time to be extra nice to people. I like doing nice things. I overtip more than usual and I donate time and money here and there. Yesterday I delivered an SUV full of presents to needy families. The first two were poor, but the last one was desperate.

She's a single Mom with 4 little ones, barely speaking english. They had nothing at all in their apartment, no furniture, no toys, nothing, save a Christmas tree (which had nothing underneath it). The tree was the last thing her brother did for her before he died, leaving her in America all alone with the kids (the father was long gone). She broke down crying and hugged us and thanked god for us, her toothless grin the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. You go and do that with a dry eye and an unlumpy throat, I dare you.

At least I'm going to hell in style.

Ok, that's it from me. Merry Christmas! To all you good honkies, have a honky goodnight!

* These wishes applies to you even if you're not technically a honky. It's just a term of endearment.

Dave Barry on Christmas

Some lighter fare for ya.


I'm off to the local bar and then the airport. I've got the redeye through George Bush International (Houston). There's a hilarious statue of elder Bush there, the wind whipping his jacket casually tossed over one shoulder, ginormous encyclopedia in the other arm. I'll snap a pic if I have time.

It's my ritual to have a few drinks at the bar across the street before I leave. I haven't been there since the night before my last trip. And given where my connection is, I figure I have an excuse to drink a couple scotches. It's appropriate, since cocaine is illegal.

Merry effin' Xmas

I guess I'm not the only one with a bad feeling about this year's Christmas (I'm not going to link to other blog-grief, you people know who you are).

I, however, have no excuse. I'm going to Florida to see my entire family: both parents, both siblings, all 6 nephews/nieces. Plus my entire step family: step-mom, step-sisters, step-cousins, etc. Plus all the assorted in-laws and friends and hangers on. It ought to be a good time, but I'm dreading getting on the plane nonetheless.

It's not the plane. I always take 5 or 6 six reading options, plus crosswords. I'll be fine as long as I'm not next to fat people or little kids, or worse, little fat kids (heh heh, sorry tubby, I lose a little weight and listen to me).

And it's not because I'm single. I actually rather enjoy that. It's just better to be unnattached, that's all I know (after the first couple months anyway). No one believes me when I say this, so let me attempt to explain.

The steady ass isn't worth the price, because you'll never get over tragic flaws in their character, or they'll never stop with all the nitpicky little "improvements" you're supposed to want to make, and you'll just end up heartbroken or breaking their heart anyway. In other words, nobody lives up to anybody's expectations, and the sex always runs out (but until then, ya know, game on).

I brought up sex first because that seems to be the prime motivator behind coupling. "He/She's an asshole/bitch, but at least I get laid every other night" apparently is a viable excuse to stay with someone. Well, they're sure as hell not doing it for emotional fullfillment.

I dunno. It must be my dislike for people in general that makes it hard for me to tolerate some crazy bitch. I've met a few "normal" girls who put up a good act of not being neurotic, but it's all false advertising. Like high heels or wonder bras, temporary sanity is fleeting.

Granted there are degrees and granted crazy isn't exclusive to women, but you have to admit ladies, you've got a virtual monopoly on the batshittery. You may think I'm the insane one, but who's letting the parking space acquired determine their mood for the next several hours?


Well... I don't really mean all that. I'm sure this is related to the string of low quality women I've found lately. I'm really not that pessimistic.

But this is what goes through my head when some family member conveniently invites their friend over for dinner when I come around. It's not that the setup is obvious, because it is to everybody, excruciatingly. It's that I'm supposed to jump at the chance of a relationship when I live 3000+ miles away, just because.

Amanda likes computers; you like computers don't you? God, how I hate that (show the slightest technical inclination at a young age and you'll be installing drivers for people the rest of your life). Oh wow, she uses email and surfs the net.

Look lady, I'm sure you're nice, and you're from southern Florida so you wouldn't walk outside without shooting yourself unless you were sexy, but you don't know who Les Claypool is, you listen to radio music, and UHF isn't among your top ten movies. Just being nice and pretty is just enough for a fling; that's it (hey, that gives me an idea...). Show me your live Rush collection and we'll talk (the fates, they dealt me an unpopular favorite band).


Anyhoo... So as I was saying, I don't catch much crap from my family. Certainly not enough to justify not wanting to see them.

They don't really bother me for being single, or "between jobs", or fat (in Seattle I'm normal, in Florida I'm fat). In fact, my family is very nice to me. We're pretty normal and healthy, considering all the stories you hear about nutty families. Compared to our extended family, we're downright traditional.

I guess it just doesn't feel like Christmas. It never does anymore. The magic went out of this season several years ago. Waking up to a fresh coat of snow on Christmas morning just isn't going to happen ever again (figuratively). And there's nothing material that's ever going to make me that happy, so it's a constant reminder that things were better.

I guess Christmas ended when my brother and sister stopped coming home for it. I'm the youngest, so I still celebrated it with my parents, but that wasn't much fun as their marriage was self destructing at the time. Though I do recall leaving "Santa" a beer towards the end there, which my Dad and I still laugh about.

When I was in college, we held it at my sister's place, but it was hard to enjoy myself when I was hepped up on anti-histamines (cats), trying to be happy for the plastic piece o' crap parade, watching my sister's marriage implode. Happy times.

Despite these, um, imperfections, I still don't really have an excuse for not wanting to be there. I don't know why I'm not looking forward to it this year. I guess it's just a big fat reminder of the passage of time and that makes me sad.

Plus I'm riding the couch because apparently if you're a parent, you're guaranteed a bed. Even though I'm the one waking up at 6am everyday to some oh-so-cute kid peforming an adorable kneedrop, it's just expected of me (they say "that's when the day starts" but they don't come out until 8-something). Don't they know that I don't go to bed at 9pm? That's scotchy Sports Center time.

And don't get me started on hanging out with the old people. They're great when they get up from their naps, between the hours of 3 and 6pm. Then they all go back to bed, after setting out and eating their breakfasts.

And the worst worst worst is when one of them corners you and talks your ear off about god. Oh sweet jesus lady, I know you're staring death in the face, but if I have to listen to one more story about Aunt Gertie expressing her disapproval of Uncle Morty's lederhosen by knocking your french fries over from the spirit world, I'm gonna rampage through a hospice.

Gravity, G-R-A-V-I-T-Y. It's even older than you are. Look into it.


But you know, in the end it's not bad at all. I'm lucky, and I know it. I can't explain why I don't want to go.


I guess the moral is: just because you have every reason to despise Christmas, doesn't mean you should. Look at all the blessings I have here: a huge family that loves me and a reunion in Florida. And I'm bitching about it. Someone slap me. I'm an idiot.

Still, I can't shake this feeling of dread.

Summers going fast
Nights growing colder
Children growing up
Old friends growing older

Time stand still

Lithic fair

(painfully lame, I know) Here's an interesting video on what the world looks like from a rock's perspective (worksafe).

Am I the only one reminded of the lithic principle?

There is something stunningly narrow about how the Anthropic Principle is phrased. Yes, only certain laws and constants of nature are consistent with our kind of life. But essentially the same laws and constants are required to make a rock. So why not talk about a Universe designed so rocks could one day come to be, and strong and weak Lithic Principles? If stones could philosophize, I imagine Lithic Principles would be at the intellectual frontiers.

Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot

I also notice that insects are far more prolific than humans, so god's probably a big cockroach, with three antennae!

By the way, if you get a chance, you should catch Sagan's Cosmos on the Science Channel. It's from 1980, but it holds up amazingly well, philosophy and astronomy being timeless.

Wind power 2

So I got my wind power packet in the mail. No freakin' magnet! They promised me a magnet, and I didn't get one. I'm a little miffed about that, because all I got was a couple stickers I'm not gonna use (bumper and static cling).

I mean, I'd like to have sex again sometime in my life, so no thanks on the friend repellent. I mean, who puts a bumper sticker on their car? Bluetooth wearers? Christ, I listen to Rush and watch Star Trek, and even I'm not that lame.

I also didn't get a "Wind Power Card". How am I supposed to dispense the smug without some card to lord over people? At least they came through with the Whole Foods gift card, but other than charging my credit card, that's all they did. I have to wonder, what else are they screwing up?

And I don't know how I missed it, but this page is hilarious. Look under "What do you get?"

* Renewable Choice’s newsletter -- Oh great, more junk mail. And from an eco-friendly group? I hope this is an email, not only so I can filter it out, but also so it will be less wasteful.

and this gem:

* Notification to alert you when your Wind Power Card expires! -- Gee thanks! I know, why don't you just charge my card in perpetuity? In fact, why not charge up 3 years worth right now, just to be on the safe side? I trust you to keep the details in order.


The wind power is really the important thing, I know. I shouldn't be so cynical, but it's hard not to when the only two material things I wanted they skimped on (and they aren't exactly bank busters). What good is it to give if you can't make other people feel bad about themselves??

I read up on this organization, thanks to a little help, and I know that it's completely unregulated (because customers opt in), and there is some sort of watchdog that supposedly keeps them honest about the energy credits.

But obviously no one makes sure they send out magnets and cards. No, I'm not getting over it.


And check this out, the Pentagon is pushing bio-jet-fuel. How cool is that?

Anyone can play guitar

If you're not inspired to play the guitar, you will be (worksafe video).

I wonder if he's using a special tuning?

Death waif for cutie?

Ok, that's stretching it, especially for someone who doesn't listen to the band.

I usually don't go for celeb-gossip, at least not until recently, but I can't get over this mugshot.

OMG!!!! I am sooooo cute! The way I drive down the wrong side of the highway shitfaced, aren't I precious???

And btw, 5'1" 85 pounds? Holy crap. I throw out more in junk mail per day. We all know thin is hot, but 85 pounds?

I still don't see how taking vicodin and smoking pot would make you think you were in England, but I guess her tolerance must be pretty low. I just had surgery, so I know what vicodins can do. Not much, though I wouldn't recommend driving on it.


BTW, the nose tampon is out. Sweet jesus allmighty, it feels good to have that out. There's really nothing to compare it to, so just imagine if the world's freshest bagel, perfectly toasted, with just the right amount of slightly warm cream cheese suddenly appeared before you and turned into a pizza. Also it granted you double the breathing capacity.

Goodbye dignity

That refers to my recent experience I'll call "shopping-con-nospon" until I think of a better name.

"Nospon", of course, is short for Nose Tampon, which, if I'm not mistaken, is middle english for "gawd awful face raping bloody thing crammed up your schnozz for a week".

Therefore, shopping-con-nospon would be forgetting about said nospon being readily visible to the outside world. And by "forgetting" I mean, growing accustomed to the constant itchy irritation and headache for enough seconds stringed in a row to allow the sensation of hunger to set in.

The amazing thing is how people immediately think they're better than you just because you're hideous. That really sucks. I'll try to be more sensitive to ugly people from now on (as long as they don't touch me or pretend to know me, or, ya know, breathe around me too much). But what's truly bizarre is that people seem to think you want to talk about it.

Oh hey, thanks for bringing up my horrible disfigurement! That's really appropriate since I've never met you. Wow. Let me just say: Tact, you've got it.

"Dude, what happened to your face?" Jesus, wtf happened to yours, pizza nerd? Looks like you fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Obviously you've been playing Final Fantasy ever since. At least I'll eventually be presentable to the general public without plastic surgery someday.

"Had a bad day, huh?" No, I love imagining my face is a vagina. Hey, since my face might as well be a vagina, I may as well be PMS'ing! And it's a bad case. So shut the eff up, and go get me some icecream, you ignorant douchenozzle. And by icecream, I mean whiskey. Lots of it. Hup! Hup!

And the worst of all, the less-than-polite look away, as though I don't have a goddamned tampon sticking out of my freakin' face. Yes, I see you shielding your kid's eyes and suddenly being enthralled with the nutrition information on your pack of Ding Dongs, you bloated orca. Why don't you just go ahead and deep fry them and then make love to them with your folds? Wouldn't be the first time, would it?


Damn. You'd think I hated people or something, but I swear this is just circumstances talking. I definitely needed that. I feel better already.


The sad thing? After all that I'm still eating sauce packs and pasta (but with a hot sausage!). This fucking sucks.


I should get it out tomorrow, but no promises. I know I said this before, but I'll say it again: don't let anyone ever tell you there's such a thing as minor surgery.

Hello linkbar

There's a news site focused entirely on Iraq. As the creator says, it's the story of our time (and er, that's not the creator of course, though I don't suppose they would mind -- I mean, I have to be deliberately vauge there because you never know what the gender of the creator is, if in fact there is one -- oh hell, just read it).

... One of the site’s unique and most valuable services is a daily roundup of news from Iraqi newspapers that few in the U.S. media have ever bothered to translate. ... When have you ever seen coverage of what’s dominating the front page of the U.S. military’s Camp Victory paper, the Victory Times?

...

Taking a page from Slate, the site will offer a morning roundup of stories in U.S. papers. At the same time, it will present in-depth profiles of little-covered Iraqi cities. Up right now: a look at Hawija. Another item on the site wonders why the Iraq Study Group report said there were 5000 contractors in Iraq when the Pentagon has claimed 100,000. And surely it is the only site featuring the Kirkuk Police Blotter.

Sounds interesting.

President Bush is a piece of shit

And his oratorical skills are lacking.

I just wanted to exercise my freedom. The kind you can't in Egypt. Good luck Kareem.

You is welcome

I got a note inside an envelope attached to my paper this morning. I get the Wall Street Journal, for no apparent reason. It just started showing up for free.

Anyway, Jose, the deliveryman, left me a poorly translated Christmas wish. Basically it says Merry Christmas, and "thanks for your tolerate".

This is all fine and good, but I'm wondering what I should do with the addressed envelope the note came in. Am I supposed to tip him for Christmas? I never ordered this paper you know, and I sure don't pay for it, so am I obligated to tip the delivery guy?

I don't think so, but I probably will anyway. Dang conscience.


UPDATE: Jose got ten bucks. That seems like a good medium since I like to give this time of year, but I didn't order the paper. Also, you've got to feel for the guy who gets a paper to your door by 5am every morning.

Sears Tower

On my way back from DC, I snapped a few pics of my old digs as we circled the city. Click for a closeup. I really like how the clouds break apart at the Sears Tower.











Insomnia: when your tolerance to percocet is such that you might as well stay up.

Modest progress

As thrilled as I am to see the media expressing sadness over a tragedy befalling non-blonde blue-eyed jailbait, the coverage of Mr. Kim's death seems over the top.

It's a horrible tragedy sure, but why is he national news? What makes his death so compelling as compared to all the other people who died last week? I suppose if you're in the business of selling advertising, it's a great story.

That said, my thoughts are with the surviving members of his family and I wish them the best. RIP, Mr. Kim.

Remember kids, if you get lost in the wilderness, stay put.


And if you're wondering why I'm up at this hour, it has something to do with the 8 inch glorified tampon jammed up my nose.

Perspectives

There's something wrong with a society that forgives one who hates those of a certain religion, yet rejects someone else for being an ardent supporter of his.

Two more cool things

Here's another Coke/Mentos video (ws). I don't know why I find these amusing, but I do. Here's the original.

And here's a great idea from Xerox: temporary documents. It's an ink/paper combo in which the ink disappears after a few days, so you can keep reusing the paper.

Maybe I'll actually post something one of these days, but until then these links will have to do.

That's a nice gully ya got there

So NASA thinks there's water on Mars, and they got pictures to back it up. NASA scientists have previously said they believe life currently exists on Mars. NASA also plans to have a permanent moon base by 2024.

Cool.

Feline Fun

Wow, there are all kinds of bizarre things on youtube.

I'm not sure how much fun this cat tripping on LSD is really having. This vid's a bit disturbing, so you may want to skip it (ws, there's no nudity or cursing anyway).

I'd like to know what show this was excerpted from (other than the '57 clip, which was obviously spliced into a modern show).

It's octopuses, no really

Here's a cool vid about our friend, the octopus (ws). See how I avoided using the plural form? That was how I was going to play it safe, but then curiousity got the better of me.

The plural form is not what most expect. It is in fact "octopuses" and not "octopi", though the latter is in such common usage that you can probably get away with using it.

That's because the word derives from Latinized Greek, not Latin itself. If you really want to read about second declension Latin nouns and their various endings, here's the wikipedia entry.