Youtube bonanza

StarWars according to a 3 year old. Generally I don't go for the cuteness of other peoples' kids. Only my nephews/nieces are cute. But this little girl stole my heart. I supposed it's because she likes StarWars. I thought the bit about talking back to Darth Vader was hilarious. Kids at that age are highly entertaining.


Drunk animals. I can't even begin to describe the awesomeness of this clip. Drunk elephants and monkeys. You must go there, now!


Spy satellite blown up. Nice shot!


Fish slapping dance. This is one of those things that will make me laugh every time I see it, until the day I die.


It's not Youtube, but this collection of sports fans is funny.


Have you thanked the moon lately?


Anybody out there have some good finds?

I am a old

Exhibit number 742.


I spent the weekend with undergrads on an island studying marine life. Check out my facebook for the pics. Once again I'm reminded of my age.


I met someone named Adrian. I said, "Yo Adrian!" Crickets. "Um... Rocky? Anyone see Rocky?" I asked. "Is that the movie with the Russian guy?" was the response.


A car was coming. "Car!" I yelled, then "Game on!" Crickets.


They all got a big laugh out of the VHS player in the lounge. "Heh... where's the 8-track player?" I said. A few polite titters. No one knew what I meant. I might as well have referenced a wax cylinder.


The van we loaded our crap into was parked near the water. It's not a river, but still... a "Van! Down by the river!" No one got it. I'm not the only one who remembers Bennett Brower, am I? I might as well have accused someone of engaging in flimflam or tomfoolery.


The good news is I can recycle all my Simpsons quotes, because no one knows them but me. By and by. Sometime soon I'm going to blow their minds with Sailing the Seas of Cheese.


Overall though, it's alot of fun. They're witty funny kids, and it's a pleasure to hang out with them. If I could keep my mouth shut, they wouldn't know how old I am. I can't complain when my main sources of awkwardness are anachronistic jokes and gently letting the lonely 19 year old girl know that I'm ten years her senior.

If it goes anywhere, I'll post about it. I'm letting her digest the information for now. An anonymous blog is priceless.

Spolier

Say hello to President McCain. Thanks, Ralph!

Instant Noodles

No, I'm not talking about your member after a few glasses of whisky (har, har).


I'm sitting in a hotel on a Friday night because there's a gaping hole where the ceiling over my bed used to be. I have to be somewhere at 7:30am tomorrow morning, so I have an excuse for blogging on a Friday night (this post was withheld for a couple days, not that anyone notices). Long story short, I'm living in an overpriced semi-dump for the time being, and have little to do.


There's barely a kitchenette in here. There's a fridge and a microwave, which isn't so bad, but is a total rip for the rate. I stole some silverware from the continental breakfast the other morning, and have been subsisting on Lean Cuisines and plums for about a week. I've been keeping mostly to my vegetarian pledge, completely if you don't count fish as meat. For a whole week in a row now!

It was for this reason that I read the ingredients on the Maruchan Instant Lunch Chicken flavor noodles (emphasis mine). I thought it was just flavoring. Well.

About halfway down the billboard sized list of ingredients is this gem, "powdered cooked chicken". Um... what? I'm sorry, but just what in the hell is powdered cooked chicken? Besides the obvious...

I'm really curious about this process. They cooked chicken, then reduced it to powder? Why didn't they leave it as, I dunno, chicken? At least it's not powdered raw chicken, but still. I mean, dried chicken chunks or something I could sort of accept. But powdered chicken? How does one achieve that, exactly? What part of the chicken is so readily converted to granulated form?


I wouldn't eat this garbage even if I wasn't trying to go vegetarian. Blech. (by the way, the next ingredient is "chicken fat", no joke).

By contrast, this vanilla flavored soy pudding is sooooo delicious and satisfying...

Meechigan is grate!

No one wanted to comment on the competitive eating video game? I'm hurt.


Well, this will make up for it. Michigan is the nation's number 1 champion factory:

To identify the top professional athlete-producing schools, Forbes.com's Kelly Nolan examined the current rosters of every team in the National Football League, Major League Baseball, the National Basketball Association, the National Hockey League and Major League Soccer.

...

The biggest champion factory is the University of Michigan, which produced 68 current roster professional athletes. (Michigan's archrival, Ohio State, placed second with 62.)

This is the sort of stuff you have to cling to when you lose the head to head game. Sigh. Next year! Except it's Rich Rod's first, so he can suck and it's not the end of the world! But the season after that, you better look out!

The Wolverines have won more football games than any other program in NCAA history, including the first Rose Bowl game back in 1901.

La, la, la .... what losing record to Ohio State in recent times?


Did I sigh yet?

Why the United States is the greatest country in the whole entire America

Alternate title: signs heralding the downfall of society.


A competitive eating video game.

Players will have to master "offensive and defensive weapons including burps, belches, and mustard gas." They will also have to control their gag reflex to prevent their on screen counterpart from hurling.

Good god almighty, what a great country.

Question, does this mean the terrorists won or lost?

Politics 9 months out

I am now a registered Republican. It actually hurts to say that, but I had to pick a party to vote in the primary.

I was going to go Democratic, so I could vote for Obama. Then I saw that the blacks were voting for Obama, the white women were voting for Hillary, the Mormons were voting for Romney, and the Evangelicals were voting for Huckabee.

If everyone else is going to be racist and sexist and otherwise tribalist in their choices, then I can vote for the kooky libertarian racist. You disappoint me, America.


UPDATE: It turns out that the Democratic primary in Washington state is meaningless. Only the caucus matters as far as the delegate count goes. The Republicans use a mix of caucus and, ya know, voting. So assuming I wasn't going to caucus anyway, voting Republican was the only way my vote was going to make a difference.

And of course, as we all know, Ron Paul won by one vote. I made a difference!

Mars stuff

Maybe this makes up for the crassness of the last post.

Here's a neat panoramic pic from Mars. Here's Google Mars. And, finally irrefutable proof of the face on Mars!

Insulting Indian videos

I'm not going to make any Indian friends by posting these, but I just found these hilarious "translations" of Hindi music videos. They've been around for awhile, so you may have seen them.

Benny Lava seems to be the classic, with Nipple Song coming next. Mustard my Hole (I like that title better than the one they use) gets points for sheer offensiveness, but falls a little short of the other two.

The dancing is actually really good, better than you see here, and the music is pretty good too. Indians, they take their music and dancing very seriously. And in case it isn't obvious, these are probably NSFW, though I doubt anyone will "hear" the bad words unless they read along with the subtitles.

You may or not find these as funny as I did. I almost pissed myself at Benny Lava. There are so many gems in that one. I suppose half the reason I find this so funny is that I've spent alot of time with Indians, and I can readily imagine the women acting all offended and the guys snickering into their hands, then acting all offended for the women.

Indians are all show about the conservative thing, and then are crazy sex starved bitches behind closed doors. I mean, that's what I heard.


And what's with all the Indian women being super hot and the guys all looking like total douchebags? I guess you get that in every culture.



And if by chance someone actually reads this crap and is offended by these, I ask that you look at how Americans depict Americans in our own mainstream media.

Modern Anthropology

I seem to link this article every year, and it still cracks me up. It's the requisite Super Bowl description from the BBC, written in the voice of a scientific study of natives in a jungle somewhere. The NPR coverage isn't much different.

And don't forget the Puppy Bowl! With the magic of Tivo, I'll get to watch both. AND I can skip all the boring pre-game/post-game bullshit. I actually want to see halftime this year because Tom Petty is playing, or I would skip that too.

Happy Super Bowl, everyone!

Why guys are cooler than chicks

A woman would never make something like this. This almost brings a tear to my eye, it's so awesome.

Long live the phallocracy!

(more on the genius of men)