The latest addition to my Enemies List

The clomp-clomp girl.

In other words, the oh my god, can you believe how many guys are looking at me? It's sooooo annoying when all these guys are turning their heads to look at me! And it's not because of my obscenely loud shoes!


What recessive genetic abnormality do you have that makes you think you're so goddamn important that you can disrupt an entire library full of people who are doing actual work? Fuck you and fuck your ugly-ass noise makers. I'm glad you're so grown up now that you can shop at high end places like Old Navy, but give it a rest, eh Naomi?


(I would say those jeans make your ass look fat, but it's your huge fat ass that does that)

If I ever meet you, I'll control-alt-delete you

I've listened to Eat It 3 times in a row now, and I'm laughing harder each time.


Is it intrinsically funny or am I just a dumbass? Don't answer that.



I also can't get over the Pentiums. I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him "money" for short...



Yeah, well you're reading this. Bubble gum bonus track.

Jilted lover

West Virginia, get over Rich Rod already. Seriously.


I have a unique perspective, being a native West Virginian who went to Michigan. I know how important the Mounties are to the state. Imagine a place jealous of Pennsylvania, and you'll get an idea for how desperate West Virginia is for things to be proud of. I say this with all due love for my home state.

I get it. WVians are entitled to a high level of disgust at RR and Michigan. I would hate Rich Rod too, if he wasn't the best hope for my beloved Wolverines to return to glory. But threatening his relatives, one of them a 12 year old girl who needed an escort at school? Are you effin serious?


Grow up West Virginia. If you were a person, you would have a restraining order against you. You're acting out like an especially ticked off woman scorned. I do my best to talk you up out here on the west coast, but you're making yourselves look pretty bad with this tantrum you're throwing.


And to the non-WVians, this must seem quite bizarre. Let me try to explain how it works in West by God. Rich Rod was a native son, and as such, had one key extra expectation of him, that being loyalty. Everyone and their brother leaves WV for greener pastures, so those who stay behind have an intense bond of loyalty. Rich Rod was supposed to be a "true" WVian.

They may be blue collar, cheap beer swillin', satellite tv watchin', "redneck", eaters of roadkill. But if you lead them to victory, WVians will love you with an intensity that no one else will. Think Scottish highlands ala Braveheart. They'll throw fists (or frozen oranges) to defend your honor, and stick up for you against all opposition, all with a delightful hick accent.

The flipside is that they expect loyalty. Afterall, they stayed in WV, why shouldn't you? Violate the loyalty, and the claws come out. As venomous as the hatred for RR is, this is how strongly they loved him. All that bile was reserved for WV's opponents, and will be again soon. He brought glory to an otherwise depressing state (again, WV, I love you babe; but you know it's true). RR's fatal mistake was to be successful, then leave.

Also, you have to understand that WVU is an extra level of crazy. They'll try to tip over the ambulance with an injured player from the opposing team. They'll throw trashcans and whiskey bottles at the other team's coaches. They'll break into the empty stadium after beating Miami away, tear down the goalpost, and carry it to the main drag and leave it there. I forget his name, but one of the commentators on ESPN has told a story about showing up for a game as an Orangeman, and being hit in the face with a frozen orange coming off the bus. It used to be common for the refs to penalize the fans. Morgantown has taken couch fires to an art form.

So imagine this atmosphere, and just when WV finally has what they want, a Mountaineer team that's a regular national title contender, and Rich Rod ups and leaves for .... Michigan? Who they hell are they to take our coach? Bastards! It doesn't help that he flirted with the Alabama job last year, and then promised to stay at WVU "for a long time" (or something to that effect).



I sympathize with West Virginia very much on this one. I always go for the Mounties. But this vandalizing and harassing RR's family has got to stop. Show a little class.



I'd like to end with this amusing local commercial from WV. Believe it or not, the quality of local commercials has gone up considerably since I lived there (the Dime Bank, anyone?). My only question is: which state did they find the attractive woman from?

Haha! I keed, I keed...



Related: I will not be ignored, Rich!

Classiest post ever

The two funniest terms from biology so far: gamete and homolog.


No, you can't have your two seconds back.

Modern day torture

That's what going to the dentist is like. Sure, it's been a couple years, but damn. I did not expect that from the skinny little woman who ushered me to the chair (shut up). I swear she used it to get leverage. I'm surprised she didn't put her foot up on it.

And do I really need the flossing lecture again? No one in the tristate area is surprised that my gums are bleeding. Let me jab you in the gums with a needle and see what happens.


You know, it's not the pain, which is easily tolerated by someone whose had his head bashed in more times than count he can (though hitting the tooth nerve doesn't tickle). It's the sound.

God, that sound was ear splitting. She was using the super plaque scraper machine thing -- you know, the really high pitched sounding one. When she did the back molars, it resonated with my skull (seriously) and the sound was freakishly loud in that ear.


The only remaining question is: should I throw the free floss out now, or use it religiously a couple weeks first?

Tom Cruise scientology video

If you haven't seen it, brace yourself. Absolutely batshit insane.

The scientologists, and their army of lawyers, have managed to get it off every site but two (the other one).

I thought he was forgivingly nutty for jumping on Oprah's couch, what with this world full of Britney wannabes and all. But this is something else entirely. Wow. You have to see it to believe it.

I used to feel bad for Tom that he had to deny on TV that he and Katie ate the placenta of their baby. Not anymore.

Time waster

If you want to get anything done, don't go here and play this game all day.


Sorry I was a little overly dramatic with my last post. I just get mad when the media assumes things like I only care about dead people when they're blonde women. I also get annoyed when they assume they can choose the President.

I thought it was hilarious that most of the polls were wrong about the primaries. They basically elected Obama, who I like for the Dems anyway, and then had to cover their asses when Hillary won NH. It's good to see them be proven wrong so clearly. Heh!

I wonder how much garbage they get away with making up? My guess is: way more than you'd be comfortable with.


Anyway. Blowing stuff up is fun. Krakow, krakow! Two direct hits!

Be thin hot white blonde or die

The latest example.

I'm very sorry this girl died, and my thoughts are with her family. But why does she matter over all the non-blonde women who tragically died this week? And for that matter, the men?

I will always object when news coverage is this way. We, as American white people (which we all are... right? right?), think we're not racist. But we let this sort of coverage go unquestioned.

Well I'm questioning it. This is wrong. Equal coverage for abducted persons or none.

Politics, 10 months out

This will be my brief, off the cuff summation of current US politics.


Ron Paul is the only Republican who even comes close, and he's got no chance at all. I read the greatest quote about Paul I've seen so far here:

It's ultimately kind of sad that the controversial person in the race is Ron Paul rather than Huckabee.

- Jonah Goldberg

Amen to that. Huckabee scares me. There's just something unsettling about putting a person who thinks fossils are clever lies in the highest office in the land. Museum of Natural History? More like The Smithsonian House of Lies!

On top of that, he's of the newer breed of big spending Republicans. Fiscal responsibility was the most positive thing about Republicans, and now they've abandoned that too. Sheesh.



On the Democratic side, Obama. All the way baby. Hillary has too much baggage. It's mostly Bill, but she also carries alot of other junk with her. Voting for Hillary feels like voting against the Vietnam War, whereas voting for Obama is a fresh start.

Also, I think it would do wonders for our world image if the guy running the war was a minority middle-named Hussein who attended a Muslim school in Indonesia. [insert Republican candidate here] is too hatable, being a coddled rich white boy with connections. But Obama? Now there's a person who can repair our world image.



Overall I would prefer a Democrat wins the race. That would divide the government (Republicans actually block expensive programs when they're proposed by Democrats) and it would force the Democrats to take the war seriously.



That's all on politics for awhile. We have a looong way to go yet.


UPDATE: I've been hearing more about Ron Paul's racist past. If it turns out to be true, I'll throw my Republican support to McCain. Paul's rebuttal is that those newsletters were ghost written and he ended it as soon as he found out what was being said in his name.

Heavy things

I just "broke up" with one of my best friends. Long story. Suffice it to say, I don't feel very good right now.


Then I saw the saddest thing on the whole entire internets (this link doesn't work anymore, nevermind -- it was a dog curling up to his dead master's side).


Thank goodness I ran into one of my old favorites, Flyguy (sound), so it's not all bad. I love Flyguy.


My Dad made one of his trademark turnarounds. Thanks for the well wishes. It's not fun to get jerked around like that. You think your Dad is on the way out, and then he bounces back. Over and over this happens. We really thought this was it this time. I'm afraid that I won't take one of his downturns seriously, and then he'll be gone and I never got to say goodbye. Gah!


School starts tomorrow and I haven't even picked out classes or looked at the schedule yet. Prolly otter get on that. It's hard to get jazzed up about school right now.


I got a Tivo for Christmas. After selling a kidney, I finally got it set up. What a pain. I set up my Mom's and it took about 20 minutes. Mine took hours, mostly because I didn't know I had to update the firmware in the router. Here's to randomly updating stuff and things magically working.

I haven't accumulated any shows yet because I've been watching the games live. But once we get into the week and it starts picking up all the shows I like at odd hours, it will come in very handy. Or so all the Tivo people tell me. For $725 it better effin wash my car.



Right now 2008 isn't going so well, but I'm confident that it will pick up soon.