Funny stuff

A gay love ballad to Ahmadinejad (vid), and a mashup of PostSecret and LOLcatz called lolsecretz.

Thank god for other people with way too much time on their hands.

Discoveries

I was going to title this "New Discoveries", but aren't all discoveries new? (tell that to the native americans)

Anyway. Recently I've discovered a few things I thought I'd share with you.


1) Grilled cheese sandwiches -- While technically not new, I have a newfound love for them. I got lazy and made one in the leftover grease from a previous meal. The bread all crusty and the cheese all melty... dipped in your favorite sauce (or tomato soup)... I don't think I'm too far out by describing it as sex in your mouth. And I mean the good nasty kind of sex, where you're not sure if it's legal in this state or not. (yes, I know I just left this open wider than a San Diego to sex jokes)


2) Belgian beer -- This isn't really new either, but I find myself frequenting my favorite beer store an awful lot. Once you get used to European sized pints (~25 ounces), and the 9% alcohol content, it's hard to go back to the high life. Also, it's fun to pop open a beer like a champagne bottle. It's the real champagne of beers.


3) Facebook -- My uh... the girl, that one girl, she kept making fun of me for not having a Facebook. "What happened to Myspace?" I asked. "That's soooo 2003," she said. "I have a Friendster," I said, desperately hoping for some hep points. Instead I broke even with her blank stare, which is worse than losing points, because she didn't know what Friendster was. It's before her time. God I'm old.

On the subject of feeling old, my biology professor alluded to the movie City Slickers and asked if anyone had seen it. No one raised their hands (I don't participate in class). He said, it's ok, you all were in kindergarten in 1994. And I'm like... uh... does Sophomore in highschool count?


4) Blackjack -- I developed a liking to blackjack back in Chicago, but I rediscovered it in Vegas. I don't play the normal way, standing on 13 and higher. That pleased the other guys at the table because I kept busting the dealer (and then everyone wins). Yeah it's not advisable to hit up to 15, but I was the one who walked away with $75 and they lost all their chips.



I'm going to retire this blog as soon as I think up a new name. Change is good for the soul. Also, you can find my Facebook if you want, but there are things I won't talk about there that I would on a quasi-anonymous blog.

1996 Jon Stewart on Iraq

Bonus Canada jokes included (sound).



Vegas was awesome. It's simultaneously the greatest and most evil place in the world. I'll post about it soon.



Unrelated, here are 66 Simpsons movie references next to the movie stills they came from.



On a serious note, Ahmadinejad got his ass handed to him by Lee Bollinger, the President of Columbia University. This caught my eye because Mr. Bollinger was the President at Michigan while I was there. I'd like to see some apologies from the mostly righters who lambasted Columbia for hosting Ahmadinejad.

“Today I feel all the weight of the modern civilized world yearning to express the revulsion at what you stand for"

"Frankly and in all candor, Mr. President, I doubt that you will have the intellectual courage to answer these questions. But your avoiding them will have meaning for us. I do expect you to exhibit the fanatical mind-set that characterizes what you say and do."

"Mr. President, you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator."

“To those who believe that this event should never have happened, that it is inappropriate for the university to conduct such an event, I want to say that I understand your perspective and respect it as reasonable.” He said, “It is an experiment, as all life is an experiment.” He added, “This is the right thing to do and indeed, it is required by the existing norms of free speech, of Columbia University” and of academic institutions.

Here's one who apologized anyway.

Vegas

Everyone who backed out on my multiple entreaties for a Vegas trip can suck it (wait... did I mention that?).

See you suckers Monday.

Arrrrr!

Tomorrow (Sept. 19th) is Talk Like a Pirate Day. Celebrate accordingly.

Important Moon Update! Also, sports

For those of you who like to keep up on moons of Saturn and theories of why they look like the Death Star, this one's for you. Iapetus (wiki) is actually one of my pet subjects, so I love this stuff (indulgence alert, sorry if I told this one already).

In the book 2001, the monolith was found in the exact center of Iapetus's white half, not orbiting Jupiter. The location was changed for the movie because Voyager had recently flown by and taken breathtaking pictures that were appropriately used as a spectacular backdrop by Stanley Kubrick, one of the greatest directors of all time. He was unsatisfied with the computer generated images of Saturn and its rings produced at the time (1968).

The article claims to have the explanation for one of Iapetus' odd qualities: the "impossibly" high equatorial ridge (I quote it because even though our current understanding of geology says a moon that massive would have flattened the ridge, it persists -- therefore it's not "impossible", we just can't explain it).

I notice that it doesn't address the other oddball qualities of Iapetus, such as the half white/half black color scheme, and the bizarre orbit. In the 17th century, Cassini wondered why he could see it sometimes and not other times. He theorized that it was half white, half black. His theory was proved true, hundreds of years later, by the Voyager probe.

While that's a mystery in its own right, I find the weird orbit most interesting. Most moons/planets orbit in the same plane. This follows from accretion theory. Big swirls of dust and whatnot eventually formed into planets/moons.

All the other moons of Saturn lie in the same plane as the rings. Iapetus is much further out and orbits 45 degrees (or so) off. Weird. Add to that the Death Star "trench" and "gun", and the half white/half black paint job, and you've got yourself an enigma.

No wonder Aurthur C. Clarke located his alien siren call there. People will debate the origins of Iapetus for a long time. It's too bad nothing was really resolved by the article. I'm sure the conspiracies and speculation will continue unabated.

One final tidbit about my favorite moon (if you read this far, it's your own fault): Carl Sagan saw some of the first pictures of Iapetus coming back from Voyager, and he noticed one with a black splotch in the center of the white part. Ooh! Spooky! He sent a copy to Arthur C. Clarke with the inscription "Thinking of you...".

Neat, huh? What, dorky you say? You just wish you knew as much about moons and science fiction to impress the ladies as I do.




I don't suppose I'll ever mention Carl Sagan without linking this vid. Good stuff.




In other randomness, here's a shot of Paris Hilton screwing by the pool.




And in some light-hearted reading, here's an article about the doomsday weapon the Soviet Union actually built (like the one depicted in Dr. Strangelove). Get me started on Kubrick, and this is what happens.




In sports, Michigan may be having a shitty season, but nevertheless, this highlight reel from the Michigan/Notre Dame game warms the cockles of my azure heart.

38-0, tied for worst loss in Notre Dame history. The other loss? Also dealt by mah boys in blue, in 2003.

Yes, it's sad when your season is reduced to humiliating other unranked rivalries, but such is life. It's best to just move on.




This guy defends the Patriots by saying basically, "everyone else does it". I dunno, but either way it's hard to not see their Super Bowl as tainted. He does make a good point though, that not many teams are making a fuss about it (only those that hold grudges or have a vested interest in seeing the Super Bowl go to the other team). I'm not up on the NFL, so I leave it to the gods to decide this one.

Either way, Brady to Moss is nearly unstoppable. My favorite QB paired up with my favorite receiver. I'm gonna love it anyway, scandal or no.



Ohio State was in town to play Udub this weekend. They won, no surprise there. Also not surprising was that the fans left another town with a poor showing. I heard from multiple sources how rude and belligerent they were, and these are the bartenders, not the Udub fans. Being a Wolverine I'm naturally biased, but this is the same story everywhere they go. Michigan fans have a rep for being cocky, but from what I hear from disinterested third parties, OSU fans are that much worse.

Ultra cute

I see your cheezy cats and raise you one baby monkey hugging a dove. Snap!


UPDATE: Random short StarWars video parody added for no reason (language).

Let's just be friends

Yes, it's the worst thing you can hear from someone you like more than friends. But it's good to have a clear picture of what it really means.






This works across both genders, but you do tend to see more pathetic male hangers on than female. It maybe takes a bit of wisdom (or a scarred heart) to see this situation for what it is, and extirpate yourself as soon as possible. And if your buddy can't see it, it's your duty as a friend to open his eyes.

I recall going through a break up the same time as a good friend in college. Whenever one of us caught the other staring off into space, we had a standing agreement to slap the shit out of the other. We both got in a few good shots before we stopped thinking about it, at least in social settings. Crude, but effective.

I guess guys just have a harder time breaking up (aka: giving up the ass). I could speculate about why this is so (no, it's not just the ass), but that would probably devolve into a sexist rant. Well... what are we waiting for?



... Eh, I don't have it in me. I don't really believe the sexist argument anyway. People are just people (be careful who you trust, but you'll never have a trusting relationship unless you take risks -- blah, blah, blah...). But I will impart a bit of a story told to me by a girl I know.


She was going out with some hot guy for obvious reasons, but it took about 30 seconds for her to realize he's a dumbass. She didn't want him to know she was dropping him just for being stupid and having no future, so she waited for him to do one little thing wrong so she could blow up on him and storm out. This took two more dates.

If she were keeping him around to screw, I would understand (it doesn't matter if she did or not, she still was waiting for something, anything, to blow up about). The question is: how is this better than just calling it off? How does going out with someone you can't stand two more times, then blowing up and causing a scene over something you admittedly don't really care about, appear to be the path of least resistance?


Only a woman thinks that way (I'm using "woman" loosely, to include effeminate men and exclude masculine females). If that makes me sexist, so be it. No guy I know would do that.


I wish I had a personal parallel to this subject, but things are actually going well for me. A woman I understood one scintilla would be nice, but you can't have everything.

6 years

9/11.

The date nearly passed me by. While I agree that we should never forget, am I the only one who's had it with the wallowing? I mean, I'm as fuck-the-terrorists-straight-in-the-ass as you can get, but is stuff like this really necessary? (warning: don't watch the vid -- no really)

I guess it is for some people. Personally, I'm perfectly capable of holding onto my quiet rage without visual reminders, thankyouverymuch. Never forget sure, but don't feel sorry for yourself either.

Bumber - liver pain

JB and I went to Bumbershoot number 37. It was cool, in the overpriced, overcrowded sense. Overall, it was cool just to hang with JB. I saw my cousin's comedy show, which is always hysterical. We took off from that to catch the final song from The Gourds, the (in?)famous cover of Gin and Juice (NSFW).

I wish I could send you there without giving away the song, but alas, the title is right there. Those lyrics are always hilarious. They never get old. Maybe I should study up some ebonics and listen to more rap songs (or more likely, I'll just keep being a dorky white dude).

During the end of song jam, they tossed in a few runs of the chorus from Cheap Trick's Surrender. I was in heaven, despite the lack of a Debbie Gibson cover (hey, you get ferried around by your plastic fantastic older sister for years and not have her music rub off on you).



I'm off to Milwaukee/Chicago tomorrow. I've got another two concerts to go to, and some friends to see. There's the female friend who came out here for the concert, my old roommate, and Garlic (a former co-worker). The concert(s) will be a blast! I can't wait.

I don't know why I felt the need to clarify who Garlic is, considering he's a full quarter of my readership (and he doesn't even go by "garlic" anymore).

And it should be ... interesting ... to hang out with a former interest and her live in bf (not to mention stay there for a couple days). She's adamant that it won't be weird. I actually agree with her, because I can honestly say that I'm not interested in her anymore. Interest!

I have girls out here anyway (you may go ahead and call me TSS, Master Pimp). Well, one who likes me anyway. Ok, one who calls and comes over with little warning, demands sex, and then ignores me for weeks on end. But still! Deep down I know she really loves me.

Haha. But she did call me today. It's always amusing dealing with a teenage girl. You have to keep a positive attitude ... er ... look passed her bullshit. What a trip.

She thinks she's so sly. Like I'm stupid enough to fall for her little gambits. I let her superficially win because I don't really care who "wins" these non-arguments, but I tell her in ways she might not understand yet that I see right through her. Who knows if it makes any difference.

The easiest way to get along with someone is to give them what they want/expect. A teenager wants drama. Not my cup of tea at all, but I have to admit, it's kind of fun. Let's just say, any girl who thinks me calling her a "cunt" is the height of comedy, is a girl I want to hang out with. In a bizarre unhealthy way, we sort of get along, though I'd much rather fritter away my hours with a girl I could play Waste to and mean it (bonus longish Simpsons clip involving Phish).

The sad thing is that I like her anyway. I'm sick. Or maybe just horny. Either way, this is going to end badly. Can you say crash and burn?



So yeah, Michigan lost at home to Appalachian State, a division two team. That's the equivalent of a junior high beating the local highschool team. While I'm sure App. St. was underrated, Michigan was clearly overrated, as usual (formerly ranked #5).

As horrifying as this is, it's kind of liberating having your season in the tank one game in. Now all we have to do is beat Ohio State to have a successful season. It's like we're one of the other Big Ten teams in a normal season.

I can't help but be proud of my West Virginian brethren (UPDATE: They're actually from North Carolina, but hill trash is still hill trash). It sucks that my boys lost to them, but if we're gonna lose to a lower tier team, I'd rather it be them. Better hill trash than anyone from Ohio, at least. This usually hardcore Michigan blog sums up my feelings pretty well, though I hope I feel better about it soon (music starts at first link).

Look at the kittie! The blog was all pink for a few days after the game.



Boobs (not even remotely safe for work).