Should I really go to law school?

Since I'm considering law school, the following speech by Tucker Max is relevant. Along the same lines, this WSJ article about why not to go to law school is also interesting.

[editor's note: here's a whole lot more on this subject appropriately titled Should I do it? Thanks to author/commenter Terence Herlihy. And for the record, I have now decided against it]


-=-=-=-=-=-
Should I go to law school? The Speech Text

Lots of people asked to see the text of the speech I gave. This is what I wrote out and took in with me to the speech. During the actual speech I expanded on some areas and went on a few tangents, but this is very much the drift of my speech.

"Should I go to law school?

Whenever I am asked this question, my initial response is always the same:

F**K NO!

-All jokes aside, I can say that for 90% of you, law school is--without a doubt--the wrong choice.

-How do I know this without even knowing any of you? Well, not too long ago, I sat where you are sitting, thought all the things that you are thinking now, went to law school and worked as a lawyer. I have already been down the path that is in front of you and I know what it's like. I know the decision making process that is going on in your mind, and chances are, you are going to law school for the wrong reasons.

-When deciding if law school actually is for you, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself, "Why do I want to go to law school?" There are many more wrong answers to this question than right answers, but almost all the wrong answers fit under six main reasons:

1. "I don't know what else to do": If you are lost in your life, that is ok, you shouldn't feel bad about it. You are barely old enough to drink, you don't need to know what you're going to do with your life at this point. Relax. I am 30, and I only figured it out a few years ago.

If you feel like you need more time to find your calling in life and figure out what you want to do, that is fine, but if this is true, the WORST thing you can do is commit to a three year school and over $150,000 in debt. How much sense does it that make? At that point, when you finish law school, even if you have decided that you don't want to be a lawyer, you are handcuffed to the profession. You have to take that six figure corporate job just to pay off the massive debt you racked up.

2. "It's the only way I can think of to use my humanities degree": Majoring in English so you had more time to drink wasn't such a good idea now, was it? But to be honest, having a soft major is nowhere near the death sentence that so many make it out to be. The world is changing, and the US economy with it. Most manufacturing and production jobs are moving off shore, and the hard science jobs required to staff them are being taken by Indians and Chinese and other cultures who actually require that their students learn something in science class. But the good news is that our economy is shifting to a service and information based economy, and soft majors are going to become more and more valuable.

I run an internet company right now, and I can tell you that it is VERY hard to find literate, intelligent, well read people who can write and communicate ideas effectively. The demand for these people is not going to flutter out. In plain English: A humanities major now has many many options that they didn't have in the pre-internet era. Do not make the mistake of thinking law school is your only option. That is not true.

3. "Everyone says I am good at arguing, so I should go to law school": I cannot recall a single person that has said this to me that I did not make want to punch in their mouth. Being a lawyer has almost nothing to do with arguing in the conventional sense, and very few lawyers ever engage in anything resembling "arguments" in their generally understood form. Beyond that, to be genuinely good at legal "arguing," you must be smart. I have never met a smart person who made this statement. This really is the stupidest reason you could possibly have to go to law school.

4. "I want to be like Ally McBeal or Jack McCoy from "Law & Order", or [insert your favorite Hollywood bullsh*t legal character from your favorite bullsh*t Hollywood legal drama]": Maybe I spoke too soon about the stupidest reason to go to law school. Let me just be very clear about this: Being a lawyer is NOTHING AT ALL like what you see on TV. If you don't understand this fact, it means you are an unrecoverable moron, and you should immediately drown yourself in the nearest toilet to save the world the frustration of having to deal with you and your stupidity.

5. "I want to change the world/help homeless people/rescue stray kittens/whatever": If you are one of those people...I feel sorry for you. Look, wanting to help others is fine and dandy, but if you are one of those rosey-eyed dipsh*ts who sign anti-sweatshop petitions while wearing Nikes, you know what's going to happen when you try to change the world equipped with just a law degree and a healthy dose of optimism? Life is going to kick you in teeth. Repeatedly.

There are some people who have a very clear idea of what sort of public service they want to do and how a law degree will help them, and even those people usually find their dreams crushed against the rocks of reality. If you go at law school with just some vague notion of public service, I can promise you that you'll regret your decision. The first day at Duke, the entire 200+ person class was gathered in a class room and they asked everyone who wanted to be in public service to raise their hand. At least 80 people did. Do you know how many ended up in a public service job three years later? About 3 of them. 2 of them were the very dedicated type I referred to, the other was a trust fund baby who couldn't get a real job. Most people don't think about what $150,000 in debt actually MEANS until they are faced with the option of helping poor people for $30,000 a year, or helping Skadden Arps for $140,000 a year, while having to make 500+ a month loan payment.

and the very worst reason,

6. "I want to make a lot of money": You can unquestionably make a lot of money being a lawyer. Right out of law school even, you can get a job with a big corporate firm that pays $120,000+ to start. Sounds like a lot doesn't it? But have you not stopped and thought about why they pay so much? Do you think it's because the job is rewarding and fulfilling? Didn't your parents ever tell you what it means when something looks too good to be true? There is a reason that there are so many lawyer jokes. There is a reason that the legal profession has one of the lowest job satisfaction rankings of any profession in America. There is a reason that so many lawyers leave the legal field: Being a lawyer--especially a lawyer at the type of big corporate firm that pays so well-- SUCKS.

The American Bar Association has published several studies about the incredibly low job satisfaction of lawyers and in every survey they publish, most lawyers say that they would NOT be a lawyer if they had it all to do over again. Just look at my specific example: Of my ten closest friends from law school, the ones I always write about like PWJ and SlingBlade, only 4 are still practicing law. Five years out of law school, and only 40% are still doing what they racked up a six figure debt to learn how to do. I don't really follow anyone else in my graduating class because most of them were worthless pricks, but from what I understand, the others are just like us: Most are now doing something else.

But beyond that, there are NOT an unlimited number of jobs that start at $120,000 a year. In fact, there aren't many at all, and pretty much ALL of them go to kids who come from the Top 15 law schools. If you go to a law school that is even in the bottom of the first tier, unless you are top 10% of your class or on law review, you are probably f***ed. Really. I cannot be any clearer about this: YOU ARE NOT GUARANTEED A JOB OUT OF ANY LAW SCHOOL, MUCH LESS A JOB THAT PAYS SIX FIGURES. They aren't going to tell you that at law school receptions, but it is the truth.

-If any of these reasons are factors into why you are going to law school, stop now. Seriously. No qualifiers on this statement, just stop. Plain and simple, don't go.

-OK, but let's say that none of the ridiculous reasons I listed above apply to you, that you want to go to law school for a what you consider a valid reason. I know when I was in undergrad, I had what I thought was a great reason to be a lawyer: I wanted to be the next great American trial lawyer. I intended to model myself after Vince Bugliosi (in case you don't know, Vince Bugliosi wrote Helter Skelter, prosecuted Charles Manson and the Palmrya murders and is generally regarded as the best prosecutor in American legal history) and fight the same battles that he fought.

Well, I was wrong. I quickly realized that being a prosecutor sucks and it takes years to try murder cases if you ever get that opportunity, all while working just as hard as your corporate brethen, for a pittance of what they make. Beyond that, the system is totally f***ed up in many many ways. Granted, someone needs to fight that battle, but by the end of first year I determined that it wasn't going to be me.

So, being in law school, I decided to do what everyone else was doing and be a corporate lawyer. Hated it. Got fired after three weeks. It was just awful. Law school is full of small, pedantic, little dorks and corporate firms are no different, except here they are in charge. It SUCKS.

-If you think you have a good reason to go to law school, the best advice I can give you is this: Work first. Preferably in a law firm, either as a paralegal or a secretary or even a gopher. Do it as a summer intern or full time for a year or so after undergrad. Explore what it is actually like being a lawyer, not by asking lawyers or reading books, but by immersing yourself in the actually day to day life of a lawyer.

Think about it: When you go clothes shopping, you don't just walk around and grab whatever looks good on the rack and buy it, do you? No, you try things on, you deliberate over your options, and you consider all possibilities. Why do you think life is any different? Stop trying to pick out your life off the rack; go out and experience all sorts of different things, try on different jobs and see what fits. If, after trying it on, you still want to be a lawyer, then by all means, go for it. You're probably making the right decision at that point. But I can promise you that if spending some time working in a firm were a requirement for admission to law school, the application rate would probably drop by at least 80%. What does that tell you about whether or not you should go to law school?

-All this being said though, I had a great time in law school itself. Law school is a f***ing joke; if anyone tells you different they are either lying or they are stupid. It's REALLY easy. By second semester of my first year I'd stopped going to class, and by second year I'd stopped buying my books altogether. I had many classes where if my exam were to pick my professor out of a line-up, I'd have failed. How do you think I got all these great stories? Not by going to class. My friends I went out 4 nights a week it was so easy. Of course, I went to a Top 10 school, which most people don't go to, and I got lucky in that I had a crew of ten friends who were all awesome. I have had several friends go to other law schools, very good ones and very bad ones, and not many shared my experience. And even the ones who did very much enjoy law school, hated their lives after law school. Why? Because they went on to be lawyers.

-Here is the funny thing about this speech: Someone--in fact, a lot of people--told me all of this before I applied to school. I did not discover any of the points I am making to you. Every bit of it was conferred to me BEFORE I got to law school.

You know what I did? I f***ing ignored it. I mean, sure all of those other douche bags may be miserable and may hate the legal profession, but what do they know, they're only lawyers? I AM TUCKER F***ING MAX, I'm going to revolutionize this b**ch!

Yeah...how'd that work out for me? You can believe me now or you can experience first hand, but you'll eventually see that I am right.

-I'll leave you with this last quote. I have a pretty big message board attached to my site, it gets like 30,000 people a day or so that view it, and many of them are disaffected lawyers. In response to a thread about this topic, one of them posted this paragraph:

"As I write this, it is 85 degrees, sunny, with a slight, cooling breeze coming from the West. The only reason I know this is that I took twenty minutes to run to get a sandwich to eat at my desk. I am sitting in a basement office which houses three of us, putting off research on state law fair debt collection vs. the Federal Fair Debt Collection Practices Act and the definition of a creditor to write this post. If that paragraph alone doesn't deter someone from law school, then I don't know what will.""
-=-=-=-=-=-
Now, I'm not in any position to give you advice, being an undergrad PoliSci/Econ myself, and I know lawyers who definitely never regretted their choice. But I think this advice is sound: if you're going to saddle yourself with that kind of debt, at least know roughly what it can realistically accomplish for you. That kind of debt will close down your options as surely as many law degrees will open them up.

Shooting in downtown Seattle

Holy crap. This happened an hour ago less than 2 miles from my apartment, a block away from where my Mom and sister stayed during their visit.

SEATTLE – At least three people have been shot at the Jewish Federation at 2031 Third Ave. in downtown Seattle. One person has been taken into custody.

Police have taken one person into custody but there may be more suspects in or around the building. Police have their weapons pointed toward the second floor of the building.

...

Rich Pruitt of the Seattle Police Department said" "Right now we have our SWAT team searching the building."

He said the building is being searched room by room and closet by closet for more people.

One shooter is confirmed and in custody, he said. As of yet he said there is no motive. It's not yet known if the incident is politically motivated.

Oh gee, let's pretend like we don't know what this is about.

The Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle says on its Web site that its mission is to "ensure Jewish survival and enhance the quality of Jewish life locally, in Israel and worldwide."

This last Sunday, the Jewish Federation along with 40 other organizations rallied in support of Israel at Luther Burbank Park on Mercer Island.

So let me get this straight: the motive is a mystery, yet the inclusion of this information is somehow deemed relevant.

UPDATE: The TV says confirmed 1 dead, 6 injured.

UPDATE 2: They're saying on the TV now that the suspect has a criminal history and is a Pakistani male. But, of course, they have to throw in that there's no indication of what his motive could possibly be. Just another random gunning down.

UPDATE 3: 2 hours in, the suspect has admitted that he's a Muslim angry at Israel. Of course, until he said this, we had no idea what his motive was.

I would have been happy to have been wrong.

UPDATE 4: Here's more detail on this. Turns out it's 1 dead, 5 injured.

WEST RICHLAND, Wash. - The suspect in a fatal shooting rampage at a Jewish charity deeply disappointed his parents because he had dropped out of dentistry school, and had been getting psychiatric help for 10 years...

...

H. was ordered held on $50 million bail Saturday pending formal charges of murder and attempted murder. Prosecutors have until Wednesday to file formal charges.

He is accused of opening fire with two semiautomatic pistols at the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle on Friday, killing [a woman], 58, and wounding five other women, one of whom is five months pregnant.

The pregnant lady is the one who surreptitiously called 911.

H., whose parents had moved to the United States from Pakistan in the 1970s, excelled in writing, winning an essay contest as a teenager...

By that logic, I'm an accomplished poet.

This report doesn't mention it, but other reports say he put a gun to a 13 year old girl's head to get in the door. But the class act doesn't end there.

Then in March, H. was arrested at a Benton County stopping mall. Newspaper reports said that he climbed onto a raised coin fountain and exposed himself to young women.

Exposed himself in a coin fountain? This guy is really turning out to be one fine upstanding citizen.

H.'s parents are devastated and struggling to understand how their son strayed from the teachings of Islam...

Oh, that's rich. Yep, it's a complete mystery.

Lebanon

I link to this guy once again, this time on his thoughts about the current war between Israel and Hezbollah. As usual, it's apolitical and as fair as can be considering the subject matter. You owe it to yourself to get this American's perspective, one who considers Beirut his second home. I wish he was more optimistic.

In other news, I can't believe I never watched Deep Space Nine before. This is a really great show.

You-foes?

I spent a night in Bellingham this weekend at my cousins' place. One of them is in a two man comedy group, which is hysterical, and I bounced a show. I bounced on the honor system: if you said you had a season pass but forgot it, I let you in. I took notes down like, "girl in red dress prepaid for 2 more and stepped out", etc.

Over the course of the weekend, my cousins and I reminisced and told the funniest stories we could come up with. One of the stories my older cousin told was about a German girl who said "you-foe" instead of "UFO". I've heard of this sort of thing happening before. In China, they pronounce the name of our country "you-sa". Haha! Those darn foreigners!

But it was UFO's being on the mind that inspired this post. I recently watched a documentary featuring Dan Akroyd about UFOs. I had no idea, but apparently he's not only a UFO buff, but a believer. He claims to have had a show he was making about the unexplained, Out There, canceled by "men in black" and none of the episodes were aired or brought out on DVD.

Anyone who knows me, knows this is a pet issue of mine and always has been. I've gone through all the stages, from childish wonder as a, well, child, to adult skepticism, to finally grudging acceptance that something has to be out there, whatever that something is. I wrote a very long post about it that you can read here.

I'm certainly not claiming to have any proof or that I have a first hand account, I just think there's alot to be suspicious about. It's often remarked that if aliens are real, how come they only reveal themselves to weirdos and crackpots? I blogged once before about the former Canadian Deputy Prime Minister and former Minister of Defence.

... [the former Canadian D.M.] went on to say, "I'm so concerned about what the consequences might be of starting an intergalactic war, that I just think I had to say something."

[He] revealed, "The secrecy involved in all matters pertaining to the Roswell incident was unparalled. The classification was, from the outset, above top secret, so the vast majority of U.S. officials and politicians, let alone a mere allied minister of defence, were never in-the-loop."

[He] warned, "The United States military are preparing weapons which could be used against the aliens, and they could get us into an intergalactic war without us ever having any warning. He stated, "The Bush administration has finally agreed to let the military build a forward base on the moon, which will put them in a better position to keep track of the goings and comings of the visitors from space, and to shoot at them, if they so decide."

I wouldn't chalk him up to a random crackpot, would you? And yes, Canada-is-lame jokes are so original and funny. You are ever so clever, aren't you? But I just made the joke, so you don't have to embarrass yourself.

I mentioned in that same post about a former Air Force pilot I knew. This is just one person, but he said he heard the rumors going around the Air Force, and they were that aliens were alive and well on US military bases, walking around speaking English. Granted, they were rumors that were at best second hand to me, probably worse.

I asked him about Area 51, the Roswell, NM incident where for the first couple days it was being reported in the press as a UFO crash with two dead aliens inside. Those people who were interviewed must have been mistaken (the official story is that it was a dummy falling off a high altitude balloon that is on public record as not launching until several years later). He said he didn't know what happened, but he knew this, "Something big happened, and they're still lying about it."

Area 51 just happens to be right next to where we tested our nukes, incidentally. If I were investigating an alien race on another planet, a nuclear blast would be easily visible from space and I would want to know as much as possible about their weapons. Yeah, that's a big if. Just sayin'.

I flat out asked him if he believes, and he said yes. I find him credible because I knew and trusted him. But I understand if you don't lend him any credence.

In the same vein, a guy I know here is a UFO enthusiast like myself, and we got to talking. He worked with a photographer who used to work on top secret bases. Two military guys with no ranks or insignias on their uniforms would come to his room, hand him orders which said something like, "Follow these men to hangar X, take a roll of film of what's inside, and give the film to these two men." Along the walk they would follow behind him and say things like, "Do NOT look to your left", etc.

This guy should have known better than to brag about this stuff to my friend, because he pestered him relentlessly. He finally got him to back off by threatening to turn him in. My friend was leaving their place of employment and on his last day took this guy two slips of paper. One said "yes", the other "no". He told him, "You know this is my last day here, and you know what my question is. If one of those slips of paper got thrown away ... " and he left his office.

He checked on his desk a few minutes later. The No paper was gone, the Yes paper was left in plain sight.

If you're a skeptic, none of this effects you whatsoever, with the possible exception of the former Canadian Defense Minister. Well, let me add one more for you to mull over.

THE first men to walk on the Moon reported seeing a UFO, a new TV documentary reveals.

Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the Moon's surface after Neil Armstrong, says space agency bosses covered up their sighting.

And the Apollo 11 astronauts were also careful not to talk about it openly.

He said: "There was something out there, close enough to be observed, and what could it be?

"Now, obviously the three of us weren't going to blurt out, 'Hey, Houston, we've got something moving alongside of us and we don't know what it is, you know?

"Can you tell us what it is?'

"We weren't about to do that, because we knew that those transmissions would be heard by all sorts of people and somebody might have demanded we turn back because of aliens or whatever the reason is."

Buzz Aldrin, American hero, saw a UFO. I find it particularly interesting that he saw it from the vantage point of what was at the time the most advanced spacecraft made by humans.

I have to wonder, why say it now? I mean, if Buzz Aldrin kept this a secret for 40 some years, what changed now? Is it because he's old and thinks we ought to know, or are they preparing to tell us something? Could just be a batty old man for all I know, but Buzz Aldrin strikes me as a level headed straight shooter. If he says he saw something, I'm inclined to believe him.

There's also a former Air Force test pilot in that Dan Akroyd documentary who claims to have seen UFOs close up and that they are real. The sound quality is terrible and they reuse the same UFO videos over and over, but it's still interesting to watch.

Take all of this as you will. It's certainly not proof of aliens. But I think it's far past the point of denying that some sort of highly advanced air/spacecrafts exist. I don't just mean top secret military weapons, I mean technology that makes a saucer fly faster than any jet we know about, and at accelerations we would consider impossible.

It's probably just highly advanced military craft. But the next time you see a satellite moving across the sky, maybe you'll watch it for sudden 90 degree course changes.


And now I'll employ one of the bestest of all the rhetorical strategies, quoting famous people you're supposed to find credible, possibly out of context:

"We deal now, not with things of this world alone, but with the illimitable distances and as yet unfathomed mysteries of the universe. We are reaching out for a new and boundless frontier. We speak in strange terms of harnessing the cosmic energy, of making winds and tides work for us, of creating unheard of synthetic materials to supplement or even replace our old standard basics; to purify sea water for our drink; of mining ocean floors for new fields of wealth and food; of disease preventatives to expand life into the hundred of years; of controlling the weather for a more equitable distribution of heat and cold, of rain and shine; of spaceships to the moon; of the primary target in war, no longer limited to the armed forces of an enemy, but instead to include his civil populations; of ultimate conflict between a united human race and the sinister forces of some other planetary galaxy; of such dreams and fantasies as to make life the most exciting of all times."

General Douglas MacArthur - May 12, 1962 to cadets at West Point


"I'm in the firm belief that the American public deserves a better explanation than that thus far given by the Air Force. I strongly recommend that there be a committee investigation of the UFO phenomenon".

Former U.S. President Gerald Ford 28th March 1966


"In our obsession with antagonisms of the moment, we often forget how much unites all the members of humanity. Perhaps we need some outside, universal threat to make us realise this common bond. I occasionally think how quickly our differences would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world. And yet, I ask you, is not an alien force already among us?"

-- President Ronald Reagan., Remarks made to the 42nd General Assembly of the United Nations., Sept. 21, 1987


And here's some pictures of aircraft and spacecraft depicted in ancient heiroglyphics, just because it's spooky. WoooOOOooo!....

(note that I don't endorse anything at the link, I'm just pointing to interesting pictures)

Everything you ever wanted to know about camping poo etiquette

Can be found here (it uses the word "shit" alot).

The rest of the comments are entertaining too. It reminds me of this classic of mine (if I may say so). What is it about bathroom stuff that always entertains?

In an unrelated request, does anyone know what the German guy is saying when he stabs the American soldier in the chest towards the end of Saving Private Ryan?

This computer still sucks

I hope my laptop gets fixed soon. The screen crapped out and I took it into the shop Thursday and I still haven't heard back from them. It's a minor inconvenience that I feel shameful complaining about while WWIII is breaking out, but it's still annoying.

I'm glad to hear some of my friends are losing weight (except you, tubby). After my first 25 pounds off I've only been maintaining. But at least I'm maintaining, hell. Forward march soldiers! I want to look hot in a bikini by August.

I met a cute girl this weekend -- short, thin, blonde, intelligent, the works (I'm short, so it's fortunate when I find short women). She mentioned her boyfriend while shamelessly flirting with me and my buddy. Not the best of signs, but whatever. No official lines were crossed. And I noticed that she drank an awful lot over the course of the night with no noticeable effects. Hmm. I've been known to do the same thing, so not necessarily a deal breaker there either, but she's obviously a drinker.

I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to deal with her. She's beautiful, gave me her number, made it a point for me to call her before the coming weekend so we could do something before Friday, etc. Ordinarily I would be overjoyed, but I'm not. I have a few concerns. Should I care about her bf, who she obviously is on the way out with? (sources say no) Should I care that she may be an alcoholic? Why do I feel the need to so heavily screen girls? Shouldn't I just take advantage of the fact that a hot girl is coming on to me? Given that you can't make an informed decision, what do you think: bad news girl or sex kitten?

I want to hang out with her again. Ya know, see her in daylight, re-assess, and call an audible.

My friend got some more of that s.d., the 21x strength this time (that's the strongest kind). Yeah, I'm not so sure about that stuff anymore. The weak stuff makes people laugh uncontrollably, hoot like a monkey, and generally just act like a moron for about 10 minutes. The strong stuff makes some people fight and sends everyone else into la-la land. Watch someone do it, and I think you'll decide you don't want a part of it. It's not in the same category as pot and alcohol. It'll be illegal as soon as it gets popular, so if you're curious, now's the time.

One more thing: on Eaten Alive on Animal Planet, the re-enactments of the peoples' moments of discovery about tapeworms and other assorted parasites was sublime. The guy who called his wife in to look at the tapeworm he'd partially crapped out was my personal fav (she cut off what she could grab with scissors -- whether it made a flip-flip-flip noise as it retracted back in, I guess we'll never know). Keep in mind they re-enacted these scenes, in what looked like their own bathrooms. Sorry The Showbiz Show, the Emmy's already sealed up for 2006.

How was your weekend?

This computer sucks

That's why I'm not posting much. I still haven't fixed my main machine and this piece of shit Linux box is a pain in the ass to use, so don't expect my posting to be as frequent.

I had a great weekend. First off my whole family, minus my Dad, was here last week, so I had a good vibe entering the weekend. It was great catching up with everyone.

I went to a Mariners game Saturday with a friend of my Mom's. He's a funny fat Italian guy who some of you may recall. His wife was too sick and my Mom didn't care about the game, so we went alone.

After the game, which we lost to Detroit 2-1, I had a couple more drinks with my older friend, and then he went to bed. Old people can't hang. My liver was copping an uppity attitude, so I decided it needed more punishment. I met my friends up at a bar.

We came back to my place and caused a ruckus on the rooftop patio. The people below us came out to complain and they called the security guard out to get us twice. I don't feel bad about it though. It's a common area and I'm going to use it. I wasn't the one dragging furniture around, so leave me out of it. The only thing remarkable about that is that we got up at 10am the next morning to watch the World Cup.

I woke up drunk and just kept on drinking. I now like bloody maries. The bar was packed, but I squeezed myself in there. I didn't really care who won, but I was going for Italy.

Penalty kicks are a lameass way to end a game. If it ends in a tie, there ought to be a 45 minute sudden death overtime. Repeat until someone scores. France was the better team and probably would have won under those rules. But I digress.

Apparently I was really loud in the bar and insulted some girl. I honestly didn't think she could hear me. Sorry anonymous girl. Just because you're ugly does not make it okay for me to oralize it. And I still have absolutely no desire for your fries, but thanks anyway.

After the World Cup, I got a burrito and ate it under Lenin. I get a huge kick out of seeing the father of communism hawkin' tacos. You just want to dig him up and show it to him. And for the record, maybe it was the 20 straight hours of drinking, but the burrito was awesome.

I convinced my friends to fly to Vancouver with me. It's $160 roundtrip from the seaplanes that take off outside my window all day long. But one of my friends lost his passport and his license. So guess what we did instead? Yep, that's right. We changed it up and stayed at the same bar and drank more. Don't ever call us predictable!

It was around 24 hours of drinking that one of my friends started suggesting, um, female entertainment. I think strip clubs are a waste of money and are for bachelor parties only, but I had to admit, it sounded like fun. Alas, it fell through when none of us wanted to pay for it.

One of my friends passed out on my couch and the rest of us went to The Bar. The bartender asked what I've been up to, and I launched into my story, "I woke up drunk, then started drinking, blah, blah, blah" and he cut me off by saying, "You don't tell your bartender stories like that." Heh, heh, yeah, I suppose not.

We ran into a friend of ours at The Bar. He had what he called "legal pot". I forget the real name of this stuff, but I've seen it around before. It is indeed legal and people smoke it, but it's not much like pot.

Let me just say, if you're going to do this, sit down first, and be prepared to roll around and laugh uncontrollably for about 15 minutes. Don't fight it and don't even try to get up and walk around. This is not something to do in public, but otherwise it seems as harmless as smoking something can be.

That takes me to late late Sunday night, around 4am Monday. The same guy was still passed out on the couch. I went to bed. I got up around 10am or so and drove to Bellingham to see my cousin who I haven't seen in about 15 years. I ate a steak. The end.

How was your weekend?

Spirit of America?

No wonder we're so fat.

Happy 4th of July, bitches!

May you sup on succulent carcasses and imbibe the fermented nectar of the gods.

My interpretation of that this year will be sushi, shrimp on the barbie, coronas, and margaritas (my own special blend). I love the fact that my family's 4th this year is a combination of Japanese, Australian, and Mexican (shrimp on the barbie is Australian, isn't it?). That's what America is all about baby: doin' your own dumbass thing, whatever the hell it is. Go America!

Have a great 4th everyone!