It rains alot

And the traffic is bad.

Hot ice

This is for all (none) of you whose mother has always wanted you to find a nice Jewish girl.

They sure didn't look like that at Michigan. It makes you wonder how anyone thinks they're going to defeat a culture like that.

Notice the middle one is locked and loaded.

Xix

A good friend of mine is coming out for a concert. She gets here Thursday around noon, after working a 12 hour shift that ends at 7am. Then she turns right around and goes home Saturday afternoon to get to work by 7pm.

Now that is a dedicated fan, my friends. I don't know exactly what we'll do Thursday, but I'm sure it will involve dinner somewhere nice, and of course no trip to Seattle is complete without a visit to my favorite den of ill repute.

Friday is the Seattle show. We're both big huge dorky fans of this band from forever ago, so she's the perfect person to go see them with. I'm going to the Portland show with JB, who has graciously agreed to forgo a wedding. That will be alot of fun, as it seems he's forgiven me for playing them so much in highschool.

(I'm leaving the name of the band out intentionally -- I'm paranoid about the "wrong" people finding this blog -- yeah, that's lame, but as soon as the wrong people read it, I'd have to delete it and start over -- you probably don't care, but I do).


That reminds me, I'm having a female house guest. I better rename the porn folder in my bookmarks to something other than "porn". Women seem to have a hard time understanding the need for porn, so it's best to just avoid the subject. What gives ladies? All we want to do is look at women hotter than you, do things we've always wanted you to do. I don't see the problem.



Inadvertently keeping to a policy of going out with women not even close to my own age, I spent a few hours with the chem-girl today. I'm not going to say how old she is, but I will say that she reads at a sophomore level.

This girl has bad news written all over her. She has a police record, an eating disorder, and a bitchy streak a mile wide. And that's just what I found out in the first day. I know what you're thinking, and don't worry, I'm thinking the exact same thing.


Occasionally, the tumblers of this universal cosmic machinery align themselves seemingly for a singular, higher purpose. And that purpose is to grant you a miracle. Yes! If ever you feel that you're alone in this world and no one cares, think of this, and know that good things can happen to you too.

A few more of these godsends, and I'll start going to church (actually, I'd still rather not). The best part is, there's no downside. If it crashes and burns, at least I'll know that we had the best chance of it working out.



I'd introduce her to my female friend who's coming out, just to see what she thinks. But I know she'd hate her, so it doesn't really matter. You may wonder why I would go for a precocious criminal, but not the girl my age who shares my interests. Let's just say I tried. Enough of that whole "love" thing. Bring on the barely legal poon!


So yeah, going back to college basically couldn't be going any better.

Hedonism!

As I think you all know by now, I've been taking classes at one of the local universities here in Seattle. One of my classes is basically an accelerated highschool AP inorganic chemistry class (read: easy) and the other is organic chemistry. Organic is a real bitch, but at least it's interesting.


The best part about inorganic, aside from all the 19 year old girls wearing little clothing, is my lab partner, who is a sweet innocent sheltered 21 year old girl. She actually stuck up for her boyfriend, saying he doesn't masturbate but his friends do ("like... THREE times a day!" she said in horror -- I whacked off twice this morning, I was thinking to myself).

Hopelessly naïve. But cute, very cute. And I'm very protective of her. We get lunch everyday somewhere new and people probably think we're a couple, given how we act. I'll admit it crossed my mind to corrupt her, but I'd never be able to look myself in the mirror if I did. She accidentally got two tampons out of the machine and put in an extra quarter because she couldn't put the one back in.

See what I mean? I didn't think there were people like her left in the world. I can't corrupt someone that sweet and innocent. I told her she had two brothers now, because she's an awesome chick who just needs a little exposure to how things really are to be ready to take on the world. I'll do my best to steer her right.



Organic is alot more challenging and interesting. I'm actually worried about my grade in this class, though somehow I became the goto guy among the few people I know. They think I'm something akin to the resident expert, which is effin ridiculous because I don't have a goddamn clue what the hell is going on. At least not any more than anyone else.

I suppose it's because by being older and having real world experience, I know I can do this subject if I just read. Most of being an engineer is noticing trends and figuring stuff out on the fly, and half the point of engineering school is to teach you how to teach yourself a complex subject. I think they can sense that I'm not worried about learning orgo, which makes it seem like I should know the answers (I don't).

So in a sense, I sort of alpha maled out everyone else, which is totally effin ridiculous to all those who know me personally. I can be described in alot of ways, but "alpha male" is definitely not one of them. I'm the same guy who let 2 bit punks put the fear of god into me as a kid. I quit football because it hurt too much (and I wanted to smoke more pot). (and drink) I am not your run of the mill leader.

Wolf among sheep. That's what going back to college is like. They're lucky I'm (mostly) benevolent. The guys are panty waists and the girls are sincere. It's an odd place to be, but the idealism is very refreshing.


There's a big sign that says NO WAR in one of the windows. I want to hang a sign across the way that says "We accept your surrender".


I was talking to the prof before class one day with a couple girls and I got a huge whiff of BO. Oh no, I thought, I just took a shower too. Once safely away I did the "stick your finger in your pit then smell it" test and I came up clean. WTF? Then I remembered one of the girls is European (she has the sexiest accent you've ever heard). She's still hot but damn girl, take a bath already.

And no, of course I wouldn't let that stop me. A smelly hot girl would be a vast improvement over my standard fare. Her being too young is what would stop me. And not to get into it, but I don't really dig the foreign girl thing. Been there, done that. And once you get over the exotic sex, it's just a chick you don't have much in common with whose parents hate you.



I walked into the orgo lecture hall early one day because I might as well read the chapter there. There were two girls sitting up high and to the side. They were there early like me, but they chose to sit up in the back. My kinda people!

We got to talking, and within 3 minutes one of the girls offered to cheat for me and ran down to give me her email. I told her I didn't need her old labs, but she insisted on giving me her contact info. It took me a minute to realize what was happening.

Somehow she knew I was pre-med and I assume that's what drew her interest initially. I mentally made a fist and pulled it down cha-ching style. YES! WHORES!!! It took a long time, but my life may finally be complete. Hey, if she can gold dig, I can hijack the ultra young poon, right?

I wasn't intending to hit on her or anything. She's roughly ten years my younger. I may be a dirty bastard, but I'm not THAT dirty of a bastard. You can looky but you no touchy, dig? But she came over to me. I'm not made of steel people. Some girls don't need corrupting. Hot young girls pursuing me will find they meet with great success.


So the next lecture came around and I wasn't sure what to do with this girl, or if I was even reading the signals correctly. I decided to just pretend nothing happened, but sit away from her so as not to send any signals of my own. I figured it was just a fluke and her ignoring me would be my proof. I walked down the aisle and didn't see her anywhere, so I just grabbed a seat up near the front where I always sit.

"Hey there!" I hear, and look over to see her sitting in my locale, far away from her usual spot. I was shocked, not just at being startled, but at the audacity. Does she not think I'll see right through this? Was that the point? Either way, I was golden.

Until I froze up and took undue interest in my notes from the last lecture until class started (not exactly alpha male behavior). It took time to process the information.

Well hot damn, she really is after me. Between scribbling notes about free radicals, I swallowed my butterflies and decided to ask her out. You only get served up opportunities like this on occasion, so you better take them. When else am I going to get a guilt free shot at barely legal poon?

After class I apologized to her for not talking before class and told her to email me so we could study (if you don't recall, this is how you ask people out in college -- so easy). She said "okey dokey" (not really). I bolted because I had a lab to get to, which I probably should have told her. Then she actually emailed me! And in only a few hours too. I figured I'd just made an ass out of myself for the umpteenth time, but no.

Let's recap that for just a sec. I ignored her before class even though she moved herself and her friend to my part of the lecture hall. That's pretty rude. Then I told her to email me and walked off without lingering to chat, not offering an explanation. By all estimations I should have lost the encounter.

Is this more alpha male status? If so, I should have been doing this shit a long time ago. It baffles the mind that people defer to me (and if true, it saddens me for the state of manhood in our society). You too can be an alpha if you like. All you have to do is not give a shit. There, you're done.



Friday I had class until late and eventually got home and made a margarita. After this week it was time to drink some effin' tequila. After a couple, I headed over to the bar because I had nothing else to do.

I ran into alot of people, but there was one in particular. She's a little on the older side, but that's refreshing after all those naïve college girls. We've um, had history. We wrote a few more chapters, yadda yadda. You get the idea. I talked her into sex the first time with the following sweet talk:

I think about it when I wake up. I think about it when I go to bed. I think about it in the middle of the day. And in between thinking about it, I think about it some more.

She's lucky I'm a smooth talker who knows so much about the male sex drive. It's not fair really. It's like I'm a hypnotist or something. Or maybe it has something to do with her being a big huge lush and me having a bunch of booze. Either way, all my tequila's gone and there's a smile pasted on my face.



All in all it's been a bully week for The Seattle Scribe. I have brotherly love for my wide eyed adorable lab partner, I stand a decent chance at scoring some ultra young poon, and I spent all day Saturday drinking with and banging a woman who would be my gf if she were a decade younger. Not to mention the weather has been absolutely fantastic for over a month (75-85 and no clouds or humidity). Life has been worse. The Seattle Scribe likey.



So I guess this whole thing is a really long roundabout way to say that I didn't get any work done this weekend because I spent it all drinking and screwing. Woohoo! Take that, responsibilities! In your face! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Something 'bout the wrinkle in your forehead
tells me there’s a fit 'bout to get thrown
If we get the van out of the ditch before morning
ain’t nobody got to know 'bout what I done
And I never hear a single word you say
when you tell me not to have my fun

It’s the same old shit that I ain’t gonna take off anyone
And I don’t need to be forgiven
by them people in the neighborhood
When we first hooked up, you looked me in the eye
and you said “Pa, we just ain’t no good”

We were Heathens in their eyes at the time, I guess I am just a Heathen still
and I never have repented for the wrongs that they say I have done
I done what I feel

-Heathens, The Drive by Truckers

"Thank god for truckers and bikers"

Hallelujah!


Seriously, I'm surprised Christians are taught it's ok to rip off waitresses. Do they really do that? Christians are usually if anything overly nice and generous. Anyone want to chime in?


UPDATE: Whoops, didn't realize that was a joke. I guess the joke's on me.

Optimus Prime loves you

Just got back from the Transformers movie. Can I just say fucking awesome? Granted it's for 12 year old boys, but still. I went in expecting it to be a bunch of robots smashing stuff and fighting each other, and I wasn't disappointed. There's not much of a plot or character development, but it's still awesome. Definitely one to see in the theater.


Oh, the title comes from a friend's campaign slogan when he was running for class president. He put up signs in the highschool with that on it, with a drawing of Optimus Prime. He had purple hair and can play every Metallica song by heart, guitar or bass. Of course I'm still friends with such a bizarre person.

I'll write more about my actual life soon. Happy 7/7/07!

Passive Aggressive

This site full of passive aggressive notes is pretty amusing. It makes me grateful for all my semi-normal roommates and working environments. I think I would actually kill someone if they stole my lunch everyday.

Happy 4th, bitches

Last year I celebrated America by eating sushi and cooking shrimp on the barbie. This year I'm sipping high end French champagne and grilling lamb chops rolled in homemade tandoori sauce. Go America!

You don't have to live here or have a green card to be an American. Being American is an idea, not a legal status.

So get out there and do your own dumbass thing, Americans! It's what the founding fathers would have wanted.

More Crackpot Theories

I can't resist blogging about my favorite pet subject, especially when it keeps coming up in the news. It's fascinating on several levels, not least of which is the psychological aspect of it all. Who believes and why? ... that kinda stuff. Also who doesn't believe and why is just as interesting. Anyway, here's the stuff that no one but me finds remotely convincing.



Another UFO story from another dubious source. Seriously, if there really were UFOs, how come only airline pilots and ex-military people talk about them?

Feh, like anyone trusts footage from NASA.

Decorated Vietnam vets? Liars, the whole lot of em!

Like this group of air traffic controllers, commercial pilots, Harvard grads, and top secret clearance holding defense specialists have any credibility. How dumb do they think we are plus there rednecks.


Kidding aside, that last one is a very long, very stuffy, and very interesting disclosure of our supposed evidence of UFOs (of course they don't actually show us any of it). This is the sort of symposium that would take place if 9/11 were a conspiracy. I'm not saying they're right, but I am asking why would this specific group of people make it all up? They clearly believe in UFOs, and they claim to have seen the evidence. That matters when enough credible people say it.

Have you ever met a military pilot? They're not exactly prone to making stuff up, and they certainly wouldn't publicly promise to testify under oath before Congress about events their superiors want to keep quiet. Unless they knew it was true and thought we needed to know, that is.

Why would all of these people name names and describe specific events if it were all a huge conspiracy? I suppose it's possible, but I find it unlikely. What would the point be? These are people who would lose their medical or law licenses if they were caught perpetrating a hoax. I can understand overlooking Uncle Jeb's explanation for how the van got in the ditch, but not the Canadian Defense Minister (yes Canada is lame, how very clever).


I ridiculed UFO believers for a long time. I've always had a "put a body on the table" attitude towards fanciful alien tales. But I'm beginning to change my tune. I don't 100% believe in alien contact (I'll have to see it first hand for that), but I am leaning dangerously close to more than 50% that way.

I don't mean that there's simply life somewhere else in the vast universe, which just about everyone agrees with. I mean that we've been and are being visited by someone. There's no proof, other than credible people telling us that it's true, which is why I can't betray my skeptical mind and go all in. It took a lot for me to get this far (actual serious consideration).

It's hard for me to admit this because I know how ridiculous it sounds. But when you hear enough stories from enough people, it adds up.



How about this from the former public relations officer at Roswell? He signed an affidavit to be opened only after his death (which recently happened). That link lead me to this:

But last week [ed: the week before July 1st, 2007] came an astonishing new twist to the Roswell mystery.

Lieutenant Walter Haut was the public relations officer at the base in 1947 and was the man who issued the original and subsequent press releases after the crash on the orders of the base commander, Colonel William Blanchard.

Haut died last year but left a sworn affidavit to be opened only after his death.

Last week, the text was released and asserts that the weather balloon claim was a cover story and that the real object had been recovered by the military and stored in a hangar.

He described seeing not just the craft, but alien bodies.

Just more loony tales from the "I want to believe" crowd? Why go through all the trouble to sign an affidavit to be opened after your death? Lt. Haut just wanted to play a funny joke on us?

This seems to confirm what a former US Air Force pilot I knew said about it. He said the classic Roswell UFO crash story was true, though his sources were secondhand. Apparently the scuttlebutt around the Air Force back in the day was they had aliens speaking english walking around bases in Nevada. He said he saw lots of unexplainable stuff, but never saw any aliens walking around. Still, he also believes, one of the most rational and responsible men I've ever met.

My brother saw something flying over our house in West Virginia that he described as a silver cigar that hung there for a bit, then just disappeared (I note that we lived close to a WV National Guard base). He scared the bejeezus out of my sister when he told her aliens were landing in the woods behind our house (good times).

I always chalked these stories up to highly advanced military aircraft, but I've finally lost my last sense. I mean, read this quote from John Glen, and tell me it doesn't at least make you wonder:

"Back in those glory days, I was very uncomfortable when they asked us to say things we didn't want to say and deny other things. Some people asked, you know, were you alone out there? We never gave the real answer, and yet we see things out there, strange things, but we know what we saw out there. And we couldn't really say anything. The bosses were really afraid of this, they were afraid of the War of the Worlds type stuff, and about panic in the streets. So we had to keep quiet. And now we only see these things in our nightmares or maybe in the movies, and some of them are pretty close to being the truth."

I read that and am forced to consider the possibility. To be fair, he said this in the context of a cameo on Frasier, so it's more than likely a joke. Or maybe he's trying to tell us something under perfect cover.

John Glen would have some clout involving the script, so I find it hard to believe he was handed this and just said ok, I'll call myself and NASA a bunch of liars. Haha? I dunno, maybe. But Glen is on record discussing "fireflies", the little things flying around in low earth orbit he saw every dawn up there. Not exactly first contact, but it's still something not officially acknowledged.


I've been reading this book off and on, The Day After Roswell, by Col. Philip Corso. It confirms the Roswell story, and details all the technological advances we supposedly gained from the craft. Among those are integrated circuits, fiber optics, night vision, kevlar, anti-gravity drive, and particle beam weapons, just to name a few.

I don't know how much stock to put into it, but I have to think the former Chief of the Foreign Technology desk in Army R&D at the Pentagon has some credibility. This is the same guy who ran occupied Rome at age 25. Again, why would someone like that make it up? He claims the true purpose of the SDI (aka StarWars) was to defend Earth from aliens, with the dual purpose of shooting down incoming ICBMs.

I would be remiss at this point to not link the famous snippet of Reagan's speech before the UN where he alludes to an alien threat among us (the true believers love this one). And since I'm on a roll, how about this quote from Gen. Douglas MacArthur:

"...the next war will be an interplanetary war. The nations of the earth must someday make a common front against attack by people from other planets. The politics of the future will be cosmic, or interplanetary"

Have you ever wondered why the President doesn't have authority to enter super top secret sites, such as the infamous Area 51? ("super top secret" is a real term) According to the speaker in the fourth link from the top, the CIA knows of the black reverse engineering of alien technology, but has no access to it. Col. Corso confirms this as he says part of his job was to keep everything from the CIA, which is/was considered completely untrustworthy by the military.

There's authority above the executive branch and the CIA. Does that not suggest that the government as we know it is not really the one in charge? Who is then?



Well, since I've lost all credibility anyway, here's fake Japanese footage of a UFO at the WTC attack. Neat, but it shows how easy it is to fake video evidence of a sighting.


I assume you're skeptical, and rightfully so. I sure as hell am. I just hope that collectively, we're not irrational. In case you need any more ammunition, I'm mostly convinced that there's a base on the darkside of the Moon.

Commence the ridicule.