This just in

Toxic chemicals spill into Ohio River

This is news because we all know the Ohio River is the model of purity. Not that I'm in favor of toxic spills, and kudos to Illinois for doing all they can, but why doesn't anyone report on the gallons of nasty chemicals spewing into the Ohio River every day in West Virginia/Ohio? I guess when it happens all day every day it's no longer news.

I can't believe my parents let me swim in it. You probably think I'm exaggerating unless you've seen it/smelled it/felt it for yourself. You wouldn't let your dog drink this slimy oily water. It wasn't uncommon to find random barrels of who knows what floating by.

We pulled one up on the dock and dumped it out to see if it was caustic (brilliant highschool logic). It was full of river water, no more caustic than usual. Bored, we tossed it back in and waved buh-bye.

The west coast hippie in me cringes, but really, it made no difference. Not when you could fill a large glass with ice and tapwater and see chemicals condense out of it. No one cared. God, no wonder the cancer rate is so high there.


Ahem! In happier news, here's a baby orangutan hugging a tiger cub.