Aaahhhttt

I went to the Naples Art Museum the other day (oh, I'm sorry, I mean the Naples Museum of Art, I'm sure it matters). I don't know a damn thing about art, other than I like art in the same way I like beautiful things: it looks nice.

But there are some types of art that don't count. One of those is American Modernism (I don't know about names; that's what they called it).

"Barf on Canvas" isn't creative, mmkay? Yes, it's nice to have a little orange here and some pretty blue there, on a background of white, with only hints of black which accentuates the blahdy blah blah.. when you're four. It's still a picture of nothing. Where's the technique? What's the point?

I used to smear random colors on paper and give it to my mommy because I knew she'd pretend it was the Taj Mahal and praise me. I'm not playing that game with these modern artists. Emerge from the body of a woman I'm in love with, and I'll praise your stupid paint by numbers. Otherwise forget it.


There was a room of Monets and it was striking to see the contrast. Get close to a Monet and it looks kind of like modern art, with splotchy colors here and there. But step back a few feet and it's a warm fuzzy nature scene that reminds you to camp out and eat more mushrooms.

Caterpillar droppings, or a beautiful meadow that has an expertly placed dot for every individual flower? I know which one I find pleasing to the eye. There was a quote from him on the wall, "Color is my day long obsession, joy and torment." His dedication and workmanship shows.


And there was a room of miniatures with teeny little sofas that looked comfy, little copper pots and pans, rugs woven on mini looms, and fully readable books. Stunning. The amount of work put into those is humbling to contemplate.

And in the modern art room there were chairs. I don't care if they're from France, they're still just stupid chairs. Art? You call that art?

It reminds me of the British guy who "wrote" a "symphony" that was nothing but rests. Silence. He sold tickets for this "show" and people bought them and showed up to it. What a stupid thing to do.

It's not witty. I'm not impressed. It isn't art. I respect the guy, but only in the same way I respect a con artist (no pun intended). The people who attended the "concert" are fools (this, however, is really cool, but also not art). I can take a dump in a can and call it art, but it wouldn't make me clever or an artist.


They also have a few Chihuly's, which are glass sculptures, that no one here seems capable of shutting up about. "Did you see the Chihuly?" everyone asks, as though I'm not going to see the gigantic prominently displayed thing at the entrance.

Dale Chihuly is "the" glass sculpture artist in the world (and he's from the Seattle area, I might add). They're beautiful creations, and certainly took great skill to create, but the first one you see in Naples looks like the flying spaghetti monster. I doubt that's what he was going for.



So anyway... I'm sure my dislike for modern art is really a lack of creative ability on my part. Or maybe it's deliberately vague and therefore unmoving. Or something.