He's just not that into you

I "broke up" with one of my guy friends yesterday. It would be hysterical if he didn't take it so badly. I tried ditching his calls and ignoring his emails, but he never took the hint. I actually used "It's not you, it's me".

I tried to explain that I just can't spend every fucking day with the same person, especially not a dude, but he was hurt anyway. I knew he'd be upset, but I had to do it.


You know how when you half break up with your significant other? Where you rationally explain how you still love them and don't want to cut it off completely, but they need to stop calling you and coming over and doing that whole sharing-of-life thing? You'll call them. And when you do, it's perfectly fine if you keep having sex, but there's to be no emotional involvement? Yeah, it was a lesser, non-sex version of that. I suppose it's my own fault for letting it get to this level.


It's awful. I had to tell him I need time to be myself and not worry about meeting someone else's schedule or expectations for what we ought to do in a day. But he sensed the truth. It's him. I can't spend any more time with him.

Having JB and his bro here for a weekend really underlined to me how it feels to hang out with friends who don't drive you nuts (though I reserve the right to drive JB insane by playing The Family Guy at jetliner decibels). But even then, I couldn't see JB everyday.

Also the VT massacre, like my father's various dalliances with death, forced on my consciousness the feeling that you never know what's going to happen tomorrow. You probably don't remember, but just before that tragedy, some guy hunted down his ex-gf at UDub (4 miles away) and shot her and himself dead. The NASA shooting would make the "these things always happen in threes" superstition seem true.

I'll be damned if I'm spending my last days being annoyed. Not that I feel the icy hands of death upon me, but life is too short to spend it on someone who's a drain on your energy just to be nice. I don't like being a jerk, but I will if it means I can have some peace.


So how is it being "single" again? Sweet, sweet peace. I get up every morning around 7ish with the sun, get the gym done by 9, get my clusterfuck of a life in order 'til 4pm (when hockey starts), and watch TV/read/blog until an early bedtime. Depending on your life, that may sound terribly lame, but it means alot to me to have a regular sleeping schedule.

You may think a guy who's been basically unemployed for several months would have his personal affairs in order, but no. You know how everytime you move you tell yourself that this time you're going to sort through all your stuff before you move? Uh huh.

But I've turned over a new leaf. Since Monday I've gotten all my financial stuff arranged, switched health insurance, spent 3+ hours on tech support to fix my lemon of a laptop (fuck alienware), caught up with my Mom for another 3+ hours, and cleared out a huge rats nest of wires and old computer crap from my room. This is invaluable.

And I owe it all to being a jerk to the one person who's been nicest to me in Seattle. Let that be a lesson to ya.


Yes, this is the drivel I produce when I feel like blogging.


In other news, I noticed the water in the toilet was an odd shade of brown this morning. No, it's not that! I tried to flush it away, but to no avail. Hmm. I left to run my errands and ran into surprise construction just down the street. "What the hell is that?" I wondered. They had dug huge holes right in the middle of my street that were full to the top with water. "Looks like a water main broke" I laughed to myself. About 45 minutes later I put it together. Yeah, I'm a quick one.


And here's a nifty article about hyperspace and antigravity from New Scientist (read: reputable magazine). I doubt anyone reads these types of links except possibly garlic, but I likes to links 'em anyhows.