Rollin' on tha riv'ah...

I spent all day today floating down the river on a busted old innertube we got at Les Schwab for 20 bucks. They were closed so we couldn't get it fixed, or pick up an extra one for the beer, but we managed. 4 pasty white dudes slammin' Miller Lites, thinking of creative ways to call each other gay, and getting sunburns while our rafts slowly deflated -- if there's a better example of honkydom, I don't know what it is.

Maybe it would be the guy driving the all camo pickup at the grocery store. I didn't see him get in the truck, but it wasn't difficult to tell who it was inside. It's funny how normal that used to be. Now the norm is some mid to late 30's mom in a minivan with political bumper stickers, one of which contains an environmental message. Um, why don't you check the gas mileage on your vehicle before getting self-righteous hun, mmkay?

And can I just say "thank you" to whoever convinced women that appropriate attire anywhere near water is basically a bra and panties? Holy crap. It's a good thing the water was so cold.

So anyway, after drinking on the river all day -- it takes about 4 hours on the water -- my buddy insisted on going out to a pub. I made a persuasive case for calling it a day, "Dude, 4 straight hours of drinking is enough." Not that I let that stop me before, but I swear, some people. So I left him hanging. I have to get up early tomorrow anyway. I have about 4 billion things to do before my trip back to the 'burg for a friend's wedding and my 10 year reunion. I don't even care about the stupid reunion, but I'm obligated to go.

So just as I'm feeling all justified in not going out, this girl calls and asks me to meet her at the bar across the street.

You know, there comes a time in every man's life when he's faced with a difficult choice. When this situation arises, you have to remember your principles, remember what makes you a man, and put your foot down and do the right thing. This was not one of those times.

I'm here blogging. And I wonder why I'm not meeting enough women.


Oh, and in other news I cut it off with one girl and have been studying for the LSAT. If you got 10 more minutes per section, it would be an easy test. The girl was nice and all, but she just wasn't all that interesting.

And I saw Little Miss Sunshine. I had no idea what it was about when we walked in. It was surprisingly good, for being about a trip to a child beauty pagent. And don't worry, the actual pagent was only the last act and they appropriately portrayed it horribly. I was especially shocked at the backstage scene. Freaky. Really freaky. But like I said, by the end they more than make their point about it. Steve Carell was the only actor I recognized other than the mom. She's Muriel from Muriel's Wedding, who's skinny now (IMDB tells me her name is Toni Collette and that she gained weight for Muriel's Wedding).

Feel free to list your favorite examples of honkilicious behavior in the comments.