Pork

No, I'm not talking about earmarks or pork in the politically wasteful sense. I want to discuss that wonderful, magical animal that gives us bacon, ham, and pork chops.

Why is pork the greatest of all the meats? Is it because it's juicy, succulent and delicious? Yes, of course. When cooked right, and not burned. My trichnosis obsessed mother tainted my early experiences with pork, but there's something more to it.

It's forbidden fruit. Muslims and Jews won't eat it, and to my bewilderment, neither will one of my friends for non-religious, non-vegetarian reasons. I'm certainly not the first to say, they have no idea what they're missing. Every bite is that much more enjoyable knowing that I am among the elite few who gets to ingest such a lovely meal.

Right now I'm supping on two-inch thick chops that were marinated for three days in soy sauce, brown sugar, sherry, fresh garlic, and fresh ginger. I reduced the marinade and used it to carmelize the outside to a perfect sugary crisp. The juicy middle is bursting with garlic and ginger flavor. It's, and I don't say this lightly, fabulous. No wonder there's so much trouble in the Middle East.

It amazes me when people let god be a negative factor in their lives. What gives? Pork up you dumb shits! And encourage sluttetry among your women while you're at it. We'll all be alot better off.